Beyond The Roles of Motherhood: Rediscovering Who You Are After The Nest Empties

Peggie Kirkland  0:04  
 Welcome to the Momma's motivational messages podcast, where women learn to stop putting themselves on the back burner and start paying attention to caring for themselves first so they can be better for everyone else in their lives. I know you'll be inspired by the stories of resiliency and starting over, of health and self-healing, of gaining clarity through journaling, of showing self-love through world travel, and the list goes on. I encourage you to relax and enjoy. I'm your host. Peggie Kirkland, PK, 

Peggie Kirkland  0:46  
Hi there, my beautiful empty nesters, and welcome to Season Three of Momma's Motivational Messages. Today's episode is titled Beyond the Roles of Motherhood, Rediscovering Who You Are After the Nest Empties. This episode is for you. If you've ever asked this question, Who am I now that I'm no longer needed in all the same ways. If your nest just emptied, or even if it's been quiet for years, this feeling can still catch you off guard, and that's why today we're going to talk about something that's not talked about often, and that's how our identity slowly morphs into the variety of roles we are called on to play as mothers, roles such as mom, wife, caregiver, mentor, coach, advocate, motivator, manager. You see where I'm going with this, right? And the list goes on. 

Peggie Kirkland  1:57  
Think about it. You've been the one who managed it all, you know what I mean, the one who did the cooking, the cleaning, the grocery shopping, the laundry, the listening, the advocating, the comforting, and you did it not for applause, but out of a combination of love, responsibility, and believe it or not, habit. The thing is that when that role fades, two things happen. Your time frees up, but then some questions start to come up, questions like, what now and who am I without the to do list, without all of those needs to be met and that my friend is where today's conversation really begins, because letting go of that role can feel like a loss, and it's not just a loss of tasks, but it can also feel like a loss of identity, and it could feel like a quiet grief, like something that's sitting on the inside, waiting for some attention, waiting for a return to the version of yourself who doesn't have to cater to everyone else's taste buds. 

Peggie Kirkland  3:29  
Let's see if you can take a break from obsessing over who wanted their burgers well done and who wanted them medium rare. You knew who disliked tomatoes in their salad and who was lactose intolerant and couldn't have creamy salad dressings. You don't have to worry about who needs scent-free laundry detergent and who needs lilac-scented detergent. You don't have to arrange your schedules around theirs anymore or experience the moments of panic. You know that feeling when there's the occasional conflict in scheduling times, and that's only scratching the surface of responsibilities you managed look you've been the thermostat for your household, quietly adjusting the temperature so everyone else could stay comfortable.

Peggie Kirkland  4:28  
 I'm here to tell you that now it's time to feel your own warmth and to set a climate that nurtures you. You don't have to carry that weight anymore. You get to shift from being in a role to being who you really want to be now. It reminds me of what I heard former First Lady Michelle Obama say in an NPR interview, where she spoke about not being able to fully actualize. Her own ambition, because of the nature of what being the first lady to the President of the United States and the mother of two young daughters entailed, according to First Lady Obama, "I squelched my ambition."

Peggie Kirkland  5:18  
 I'm sure you empty-nesters can relate, even though you were not in such a high-profile position. I know you can all relate to squelching your own ambitions for other family members to realize theirs. Quite frankly, I can tell you that my journey into podcasting was my answer to squelching my desire to have a career in communications, but I squelched that ambition to advance my family's interests. So podcasting is my way to feed that ambition. 

Peggie Kirkland  5:56  
Now, don't get me wrong, the rules of motherhood are necessary, and fulfilling the roles you play give you structure identity, and it gives meaning to your family. So you get used to playing the role of the glue stick in your household. You are the one showing up, holding it down, making things work. The funny thing is that that very necessary role can become a trap you don't anticipate, feeling invisible or disconnected or like you don't matter, and sometimes even a little bit scared when those roles shift or disappear, and that's because when your value has been measured by what you do for others, it becomes easy to forget who you are for yourself. And so during this time of empty nesting, it's important to begin exploring who you are underneath all the titles. Believe me when I tell you, you're so much more than the roles you've played. At this point, you might be asking, So, how do we begin reconnecting with ourselves? I'm going to give you nine strategies to help you rediscover who you are behind the roles and titles. But before I do, I want to remind you that you don't have to navigate this transition alone. 

Peggie Kirkland  7:38  
My free workbook, letting go moving forward is designed specifically for women like you, those who are ready to release the past and rediscover who they truly are. You can download your free workbook: Letting Go, Moving Forward at mommasotivationalmessages.com. You can find the link in the show notes so you can start your journey back to you. So as I said, I'm going to give you some strategies to help you to reconnect with yourselves. 

Peggie Kirkland  8:15  
The first one, acknowledge what you've given, and by that, I mean I want you to take time to honor your love and hard work. You did what you did, not just because it was your responsibility, but because you love your family and you wanted them to be happy and you wanted them to succeed. But now it's time to just stop and acknowledge that. 

Peggie Kirkland  8:45  
Number two, I want you to name the role that's fading. I want you to say it out loud, I'm no longer just the scheduler, the timekeeper, the advocate, whatever role you want to put in that blank, because naming that shift will help you to make space for what's next.

Peggie Kirkland  9:12  
 Next, I want you to reconnect with curiosity. Ask yourself, what lights me up now? What brings me joy? What makes me excited is doing absolutely nothing, having a 24-hour pajama day, sipping a cup of tea while watching the sunrise. It is so important to reconnect with curiosity, and don't worry if at first you can't come up with the answers. It'll take time. This is a new mode, a new season, so it may take some time at first, and that's okay. 

Peggie Kirkland  9:55  
Number four, create a No More List. So what parts of those old roles do you not want to carry forward? What parts do you want to release, things like multitasking or over-functioning, if you will, and people pleasing? Those are just two examples of things that you can put on your no more list. 

Peggie Kirkland  10:25  
Number five, start something that's just yours, just for you. Whether it's taking a class, it could be just walking solo, creating, tapping into your creativity. Do something that is just for you, take on a gardening project, learn a new language, or learn to play a new sport; the sky is the limit. 

Peggie Kirkland  10:51  
Number Six,  redefine being productive, because being productive doesn't always mean that you have to be busy. You can be quite still while planning how next you want to be productive, joy, rest, exploration, are also productive. You know you don't have to earn your worth with busyness. In other words, learn to be lazy. 

Peggie Kirkland  11:23  
Number seven, journal from your future self. Write a letter from the version of you who's already found her voice. What would she want you to know? Today, you'll find other prompts like this in the workbook: Letting Go, moving forward. 

Peggie Kirkland  11:43  
Number eight, surround yourself with real talk. Spend time with people who see you, not just what you do. They see you as the person beneath the roles and titles. 

Peggie Kirkland  12:01  
And finally, number nine, give yourself permission to be in process. In other words, you don't need a new identity tomorrow. This is a daily unfolding. You don't have to have it all figured out; you don't have to return to who you were. You don't have to perform for anyone else's approval anymore. 

Peggie Kirkland  12:30  
So let's take a pause. I want you to take a breath in, and I want you to release the weight of expectations. This is your permission slip to become someone new, someone whose ambitions are just for you now, and so you can be more honest and more authentic with yourself. It's okay to miss what was, but I don't want you to stay there, because what's ahead is so big, it is so spacious, and it's full of surprises. And guess what? I'm right here with you. 

Peggie Kirkland  13:20  
So here are some resources that can be very helpful in your journey. One is a book called" Untamed" by Glennon Doyle, and it's for breaking free from expectations. The second is the "Gifts of Imperfection,"  by Brene Brown. That's for letting go of who you think you should be. And then there's the app, Insight Timer, for mindfulness and guided journaling. 

Peggie Kirkland  13:52  
And of course, your free workbook, my gift to you. It's called Letting Go Moving Forward. It's my free guide to help you release, reflect, and reimagine your next chapter. 

Peggie Kirkland  14:08  
Listen. If this episode stirred something in you, hold on to it. Don't scroll past it. Honor it, because every moment of awareness is a return to rediscovering who you want to be, and this is where your next chapter begins. And as I said, if you want more support, download my free workbook, Letting Go, Moving Forward. It's your first step toward reconnecting with your truth

Peggie Kirkland  14:39  
 Until next time, remember you're not the roles you played. You're the soul beneath them, and that soul, that woman, is worthy of freedom, joy and deep fulfillment. 

Peggie Kirkland  14:56  
You've been listening to Momma's motivational Messages, take good care, and keep moving forward.

Peggie Kirkland  15:07  
 If you've been inspired and encouraged by the positive messages in today's show, please take a moment to rate and review the show on Apple Podcast. This will help to keep the show alive and remember, sharing is caring, so don't forget to share these gems with friends and family, strangers, too, if you like, let them know it's available wherever they listen to their podcasts. I'm counting on you to share the love until next time. This is PK sending you much light and a whole lot of love. You.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai