Empty Nester & Midlife Mental Health: Signs You May Need Support & How to Get It

[00:00:00] Dr. Peggie Kirkland: Hi, my beautiful midlife women and my empty nesters who are just now learning how to hear yourselves again, because March is the month we celebrate the contributions, the courage, and the resilience of women throughout history. I wanna ask you something while we are doing all that honoring, who is honoring you?

[00:00:26] Not just in theory, not just with a social media post, but right now, today, in the actual choices you make about your time, your health, and your peace of mind, who is honoring you? That question is at the heart of this entire seven-part series, and the answer I hope you already know should be you. Now, I know you've heard of Cupid, that little Roman god of love who flies [00:01:00] around shooting arrows to make people fall head over heels for each other.

[00:01:05] Well, I want you to imagine something different this month. Imagine that you've taken that bow and arrow right out of Cupid's hands, lovingly, and you've turned it toward yourself. You are the archer. You are also the target. And the arrow. That arrow is intentional, consistent, radical, self-love. I'm not talking about the surface-level self-love we see all over social media, the bubble baths, the face masks, the spa days. Those things are lovely. Go ahead and treat yourself, but I'm talking about something deeper, something that doesn't wash off like all the expensive facial and body cleansers packed with collagen, retinol, hyaluronic acid, and more. One of the things I love about Women's History Month is that it's a chance to look at the arc of women's progress and ask what's next.

[00:02:12] We honor Harriet Tubman. We honor Shirley Chisholm. We honor every woman who made a decision. Often. at great personal cost, to show up fully for herself and for the world. We've fought for the right to vote. We've broken glass ceilings in every industry. We've led nations and built businesses and raised generations. But one frontier that hasn't fully opened yet is our right, our permission to prioritize ourselves without guilt, and that's what this series is all about.

[00:02:51] And I want to borrow the spirit of Harriet Tubman, who freed thousands of enslaved people and famously said [00:03:00] she could have freed thousands more if only they had known they were enslaved. I wonder how many of you are living unfulfilled lives right now because you don't know you have permission to choose yourselves.

[00:03:17] Whomever you are and wherever you are, I want you to consider this series as your permission slip. It's the permission slip to choose yourself. Over the next seven episodes, we are going to explore what the seven pillars of self-care are. These are not just hashtags; they're interconnected dimensions of your health and your life.

[00:03:46] Today we're talking about mental wellness, but we'll also be talking about physical health, social health, emotional health, professional health, and work-life balance, [00:04:00] spiritual wellness and financial wellness. In each episode, I'll bring you research stories, a practical challenge and an affirmation to carry with you.

[00:04:14] Because this is not just a listening experience. It is a doing experience. So we begin today with the foundation of everything, your mental wellness.

[00:04:28] I want to say this carefully and I want you to hear it clearly. Mental wellness is not about being strong enough to carry everything. It's about being wise enough to notice when you've been carrying too much for too long. The Mayo Clinic describes mental health as the wellness of how we think, regulate our feelings, and behave at home, at work, and in our [00:05:00] relationships.

[00:05:01] And when that system gets overloaded, everything suffers. Here is a sobering reality check from recent research. A 2024 report from the American Psychological Association found that women continue to carry a disproportionate share of caregiving responsibilities at home, at work, in their communities, and they're burning out at rates higher than any point in the last decade.

[00:05:34] The report specifically called out women aged 35 to 55 as the group most likely to report chronic stress, sleep disruption, and what researchers call compassion fatigue. You'll find all resources mentioned here in the description and show notes, but here's the part that really hit me [00:06:00] about this research. Women who score lowest on self-compassion measures also score highest on caregiver exhaustion. The two are directly connected. When you don't fill your own cup, you're literally running on fumes and fumes.

[00:06:20] And fumes don't sustain anyone. I also want to share something that matters deeply to me. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data, over 49,000 people died by suicide in 2023. That is one death approximately every 11 minutes, and suicide remains one of the leading causes of death in the United States. No, I'm not sharing that to frighten you. I'm sharing it because midlife women are often the quiet backbone for everyone else, and sometimes the most [00:07:00] responsible, capable, high functioning women are the ones who are silently suffering.

[00:07:09] We push through, we manage, we perform fine for the world while we are falling apart inside, and that has to stop. So let's get practical. I want to give you a simple mental wellness self-check, something you can do right now without judgment. Ask yourself, have my sleep or eating patterns changed in a way that feels concerning?

[00:07:41] Am I having trouble managing normal daily responsibilities? Do I feel disconnected, withdrawn, or emotionally flat? Am I stuck in prolonged sadness, anxiety, or a sense of hopelessness? [00:08:00] Do I have thoughts about harming myself or feel like others would be better off without me? If any of that resonated, not in passing, but deeply, I want you to hear me.

[00:08:16] That is a signal, and when your mind and body send a signal, you don't argue with it. You respond to it. If you or someone you love is struggling or in crisis, please call or text 988. That's the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, and it's available 24 hours a day, seven days a week. That number again is 9 8 8.

[00:08:48] Let me tell you a story because stories help us see ourselves. I once worked with a woman who did everything right. She kept the family [00:09:00] together. She kept the job together. She kept her grown children emotionally afloat. She kept the calendar running like an airport runway. From the outside, she was the picture of competence, capable, strong, put together.

[00:09:18] But one morning she sat in her car in the driveway, keys in hand. And she couldn't turn on the ignition, not because she didn't know how, but because her mind had reached its capacity. And what she told me later was this, thought I needed more discipline, but what I really needed was support. That is what mental wellness is.

[00:09:50] It is not about pushing harder, it's about getting support sooner. Here's the core metaphor I want you to carry through this [00:10:00] entire series. March is not just Women's History Month. March is your personal history month. You're not just celebrating women who made history. You're making a decision about the woman you are working on becoming.

[00:10:18] Every choice you make this month to rest, to reach out, to ask for help, to protect your peace, that is you writing your own history. And before the next episode, I want you to sit quietly for just five minutes.

[00:10:39] No phone, no tv, no notifications, and ask yourself this one question. If I were to truly love myself the way I love the most important people in my life, what would I do differently tomorrow? Write it down. [00:11:00] Voice memo it, or just let the question land, because that is where your journey begins. Not with a grand gesture, but with a quiet, honest conversation with yourself.

[00:11:15] And here's your challenge for this episode. I want you to write this down. Where have I normalized suffering?

[00:11:25] Let me say that again. Where have I normalized suffering? Now, I know that phrase might sound dramatic at first. Normalizing suffering? Stay with me because this is more common than you think, and it usually doesn't look dramatic at all.

[00:11:48] Normalizing suffering looks like waking up exhausted every single morning and telling yourself, that's just life. It looks like [00:12:00] skipping your own doctor's appointment because everyone else's schedule comes first. It looks like crying in the car before you walk into the house, and then walking in with a smile.

[00:12:12] It looks like answering. I'm fine. So automatically that you stopped checking whether it's even true. It looks like being the person everyone calls in a crisis and having no one. You feel safe enough to call when you are in one.

[00:12:30] It looks like running so long on empty, that empty has started to feel normal.

[00:12:38] That's what normalized suffering looks like. It's quiet, it's dressed up as strength, and it's incredibly easy to miss, especially when you are the one living it. So I want you to write this down and really sit with it. [00:13:00] Where have I normalized suffering? And then I want you to complete this sentence in a journal.

[00:13:11] This month I'm making myself a priority by protecting my mind when I feel. Blank, fill in that blank. For example, maybe you could fill it in like this.

[00:13:28] This month I am making myself a priority by protecting my mind when I feel overwhelmed by everyone else's needs, and I haven't had a single quiet moment to check in with myself,

[00:13:46] Or it could be something that sounds like this.

[00:13:50] This month. I am making myself a priority when I feel that familiar tightening in my chest that I've been ignoring for months. [00:14:00] Whatever your word is that you put in that blank. Whether it's stretched, invisible, depleted, numb, unheard, that word is not a complaint. That word is a compass. It's pointing you toward the place that most needs your attention this month.

[00:14:21] Now, I want you to reinforce everything we've talked about. With this affirmation that I'd like you to repeat three times in the morning and three times at night to give yourself a chance to truly internalize its meaning.

[00:14:37] I am worthy of the love and care I so freely give to others. I am worthy of the love and care I so freely give to others. I am worthy of the love and care. I so freely give to others.[00:15:00] 

[00:15:00] Okay, that's it for today, my beautiful midlifers and empty nesters. In our next episode, we'll be removing into physical wellness because the truth is you cannot fully enjoy your life if you're constantly sidelined by your health. So get ready. We're going there together. Until next time. This is PK sending you much light and a whole lot of love