How to Dream Again When You've Been in Survival Mode

Peggie Kirkland  0:04  
Welcome to the Momma's Motivational Messages podcast, where women learn to stop putting themselves on the back burner and start paying attention to caring for themselves first so they can be better for everyone else in their lives. I know you'll be inspired by the stories of resiliency and starting over, of health and self healing, of gaining clarity through journaling, of showing self love through world travel and the list goes on. I encourage you to relax and enjoy I'm your host. Peggie Kirkland, PK,

 Hi, my beautiful empty nesters. Today we're talking about how to start dreaming and reimagining your life when all you've been in is survival mode. Let me ask you this. Where are you on your empty nest journey? Are you just beginning the empty nest chapter and feeling unsure about what comes next? Or maybe you've been at it for a while and thought it would have clicked by now, the kids are grown, the routines have shifted. The house is no longer the center of a flurry of people coming and going. 

Yet the quiet doesn't bring you the sense of relief you thought it would. Some of you might even be feeling a mix of guilt, regret, resentment, confusion, or even grief, you've tried to stay busy, you've done your best to be grateful, because everyone says you should be grateful, and you are, but deep down inside a part of you still wants more. If you can relate to this. I want you to know you're not alone and you're not crazy, because you find yourself wondering why the freedom you hoped for doesn't feel as fulfilling as you imagined. Whatever you're feeling and wherever you are in this process, you're in the right place, because this season of the Mama's motivational messages podcast is all about you. 

So I'll also share some practical steps to help you dream again. And I have a gift for you, a self reflective workbook for empty nesters who are ready for what's next. It's called letting go, moving forward. This free workbook is your guide to releasing old roles, limiting beliefs and emotional clutter. And you know, we have a lot of that in our lives, so you'll be able to create space for the life you want. 

Now you'll find powerful prompts, reflection exercises and encouragement to help you step into your next chapter with clarity and confidence. You can claim your free copy of letting go moving forward at mamas motivational messages.com that address will be in the show notes, so you don't have to try to memorize it or to write it down, we'll continue this after I take a quick break to share some information from our sponsor, bounce forward dot online. 

This episode is brought to you by Bounceforward.online life coaching services dedicated to helping empty-nesters who are struggling to discover a new sense of purpose so they can reconnect with their passions and create lives of fulfillment and joy. If you'd like to learn more about life coaching services that have been designed specifically for empty nesters like you go to bounce forward.online. The best part of these life coaching services is that you won't have to do it alone. You'll have a certified life coach as your guide and cheerleader through the process. Just head over to bounce forward that online and book a free, completely free clarity call. 

Okay, let's talk about how to dream again when you've been in survival mode, and you might be asking, How do you know you're in survival? Survival Mode. Very simply, survival mode is when your brain and your body focus on just getting through the day. You're not thinking long term. You're thinking right now. You're reacting. You're not creating. You're enduring what's going on. You're not envisioning what a different life could look like. Now, anyone who's been in a toxic work environment or a toxic relationship, you know what I'm talking about, and you also know that being in this mode is exhausting, and not just physically, but it's emotionally and spiritually exhausting. 

When you're in survival mode, your brain doesn't allow you to be creative instead, it's like you're on high alert all the time, and what happens then is that you become reactive as you try to get through each day. The truth is that the longer we stay there, the harder it feels to imagine something different. So I want you to hear me clearly. You may feel like you've forgotten how to dream because situations and circumstances have gotten you out of the habit, but the good news is that habits can be changed.

 This reminds me of Rebecca, who had been an empty nester for eight years, and she had just retired from a demanding job in finance. You know what she said? I thought retirement would feel like a reward, but instead it feels like I'm drifting with no direction. It took a mix of journaling, creative exploration and permission to play for Rebecca to reignite her passion for painting. Today, Rebecca holds painting parties for women, not as a business, but because she just enjoys it. 

And then there's Celeste, who spent decades putting herself last while raising her family. She said I thought dreaming was selfish, but when I finally started dreaming again, I realized how much more alive and generous I became with the people I love. 

So how do we switch gears? How do we go from surviving to dreaming again? I'm going to give you some practical and powerful strategies to help you reconnect with your ability to dream. The first strategy that I'm going to give you might sound a little ridiculous to you, because you haven't realized that you needed to do this, and that is, give yourself permission to want more. Yeah, give yourself permission to want more. You've always been giving more to everyone else and not giving any attention to your own desires. It's time for you to say it's okay for me to want something that is just for me. Give yourself permission to want more 

Next, create some breathing room for yourself, just five to 10 minutes of quiet reflection a day, whether it's in prayer, whether it's deep breathing or it could just be sipping a cup of tea in silence, just that breathing room can awaken the parts of you that have been waiting patiently. They're just waiting patiently for you to acknowledge their existence. Have you ever noticed when the best thoughts and ideas come from me? It's usually early in the morning when I'm taking a shower.

 Revisit who you were before the shoulds. That's another strategy. You know, the,  "I should do this, and I should do that, and everybody thinks I should.Think back to what you loved before life got so busy. What made you light up? What did you dream of as a child, or even 10 years ago? Think about that in your moment of silence and see what you come up with. 

Another strategy you can use are journaling prompts. And I'm going to give you three prompts that I'd like you to try out. The first prompt, "If I weren't afraid, I would. ..."  So what would you do if you weren't afraid? And these are for you so you can be as honest as you possibly can be with yourself if you weren't afraid, what would you do? 

Another prompt that you can use is, "One thing I miss about myself is ..."  You may have to give that some thought. What do you miss about yourself? My final prompt is... "My heart is calling me toward... What? What is your heart calling you toward? 

And you know so much the answers to so much of this can come in the silence when you create that breathing room. So many answers, so many things come clear. Here's another strategy, take one tiny step. You don't need to know the whole path. Just take one step. Sign up for a class that you've been putting off forever, visit a museum, write one paragraph of that book that you keep saying, my life is a book I should be writing about my life. Well, it starts with one paragraph. My mom always used to say, inch by inch, it's a cinch by the yard. It's hard; take one tiny step.

Then I want you to let go of guilt, and you might have a little trouble accepting this at first. You might say, I don't feel guilty about anything. Well, when you start dreaming and you hear those little voices that say it's too late or you're too selfish to want more, those things can make you start to feel guilty. But here's the truth, you're not abandoning your family when you find yourself;  let go of guilt so you can dream again .

Next, let play be your guide. You're saying, play, I'm too old for play. Not at all. Dreaming doesn't have to be heavy. Let curiosity and playfulness lead the way. Be curious, be playful. Try new things, and Don't pressure yourself. Just remember how to play. Get out there and blow some bubbles. Go to the park, take a walk and take a bottle of bubbles with you, and just blow bubbles into the air and watch them float away. And just enjoy doing that. 

The next strategy I'm going to share with you is to get around dreamers. Spend time with people who are also rebuilding their next chapter. Find groups. There are many groups on Facebook that you can find. Find the one that works for you that resonates with you, or podcasts like this one, or communities that speak to your season where you are right now, that kind of energy can be very contagious, and that's what you Want right now, the right kind of energy that meets you in your season. 

And finally, ask for support. You don't have to figure this out alone, whether it's a coach, a counselor or a friend talking it out, can help you name and claim your dreams again. Listen, empty nesters, I want to remind you, your dreams don't have an expiration date. You're not too old. It's not too late, and you haven't missed your moment. What's waiting for you on the other side of survival is. Joy, clarity, confidence, that spark that reminds you, oh yeah, I remember who I am.

 And the beautiful part of that all is that you don't have to figure it out today. All you have to do is to believe that something new is possible, and take one step in that direction if you're feeling inspired, but you're still unsure how to begin. I've got some great resources to help the artist way by Julia Cameron is a beautiful self help guide that can help you harness your creative talents while discovering who you are. Then there's the Insight Timer app, which offers a wide variety of features for free. It has 1000s of guided meditations to help you reconnect with yourself. And then there's Untamed by Glennon Doyle, which is a memoir and self help guide that encourages women to give themselves bold permission to step into their full selves. 

And finally, there's coaching the my soulful balance reset session is perfect if you're ready to explore what your next chapter could look like, and you can learn more about that at bounce forward.online. 

Well, that's it for today. Beautiful empty nesters, if this episode spoke to your heart, and if you're ready for support in taking that first step, head over to bounce forward.online to learn more about opportunities for coaching. And don't forget, download your FREE self-discovery workbook today. 

Our next episode will drop on July 16. That episode is titled, from roles to realness. Who am I now that I'm not mom every day. I'll share some tips for exploring your identity after years of caregiving and role-based living. 

So until next time, remember you're starting fresh with your dreams. Keep bouncing forward with purpose and joy.

 If you've been inspired and encouraged by the positive messages in today's show, please take a moment to rate and review the show on Apple podcast. This will help to keep the show alive, and remember sharing is caring. So don't forget to share these gems with friends and family, strangers, too, if you like, let them know it's available wherever they listen to their podcast. I'm counting on you to share the love until next time. This is PK sending you much light and a whole lot of love. 

Transcribed by https://otter.ai