The Art of Letting Go: Releasing the Roles That no Longer Serve You

Peggie Kirkland  0:04  
Announcer, welcome to the Momma's motivational messages podcast, where women learn to stop putting themselves on the back burner and start paying attention to caring for themselves first so they can be better for everyone else in their lives. I know you'll be inspired by the stories of resiliency and starting over, of health and self-healing, of gaining clarity through journaling, of showing self-love through world travel, and the list goes on. I encourage you to relax and enjoy. I'm your host. Peggie Kirkland, PK, 

Hi, my beautiful empty nesters. Welcome back to season three of the Mama's motivational messages podcast, where we focus on empty nesters. I'm your host. PK, I'm a mama, I'm a creative I'm a lifelong learner, and I'm a coach on this journey through rediscovery self -ove and soulful reinvention. And I'm also an empty nester, just like you.

 In today's episode, we're talking about something so many empty nesters feel, but they don't talk about it, and that is the guilt of letting go of who we've always been, and the fear of becoming someone new. And that's why this episode is called The Art of Letting Go, releasing the roles that no longer serve you. So if you've been struggling with stepping out of your parenting role or feeling stuck in the same patterns, or if you've been unsure about how to move forward without guilt. This one's for you. Stay tuned. We'll dive in right after this quick message

. This episode is brought to you by bounceforward.online life coaching services dedicated to helping empty nesters who are struggling to discover a new sense of purpose, so they can reconnect with their passions and create lives of fulfillment and joy to learn more, go to bounce forward dot online and book a free discovery call that's bounceforward.online. 

So let's start with the truth. You've spent decades showing up as mom. You've been the keeper of schedules, the emotional anchor. You've held everything and everyone together. This was a role that didn't just fill your calendar. It really filled your identity. So what roles am I talking about? Here are a few common ones I've lived or heard about over the years. One is the over giver, the person who always says yes, even when it's at the price of your peace. Or there's the self-sacrificer, and this is someone who believes that their dreams come second, or that perhaps they shouldn't even be dreaming at all. And then there's the invisible one, and this is someone who hides their needs because they don't see themselves as the main character anymore. Everyone else around them is, but not them. 

So when you define yourself according to these roles, instead of feeling free when that house gets quiet and the kids don't need you, in the same way, what happens is that you feel lost and maybe even useless. And to top it off, when you start dreaming of what you want to do, you start feeling guilty. But here's what I want you to know: letting go of that parenting role doesn't mean that you're letting go of your love for your kids. I'm going to say that again. Letting go of that parenting role doesn't mean you're letting go of your love for your kids.

 It just means that you're making space to love yourself again, and that should make you feel really good. You should feel really good inside and outside, and you shouldn't be feeling guilty because, you know, guilt is a tricky thing. You. What happens with that guilty feeling is that you start to feel like when you start prioritizing yourself, putting yourself first, you start feeling that that's something selfish that you should do. You start getting whisperings in your ear that says, shouldn't you still be doing something for the kids, as opposed to doing something for yourself, because you're in that pattern. It's a pattern that you've lived for decades, and it's not so easy to just let go of.

 I have found myself in that situation many times, and I had to get to the point where I could say to myself, you're allowed to evolve, you're allowed to want more. You're allowed to rewrite your story. Yes, you can evolve. You don't have to be the same person that you've been showing up as for your children for all those decades. And you're certainly allowed to want more than what you have, than what you've been living with, than what you've experienced. You're allowed to expand your thinking, expand your horizons, just expand your life overall. 

And yes, you can rewrite your story. It does not have to be the same story. But let's go a little bit deeper and talk about these roles that we carry that no longer serve the person that we are becoming. Let's take, for example, the over giver. This is the one who always says yes, even when it makes them uncomfortable, or it leaves them agonizing for days or hours or weeks or whatever. I don't know if you recognize that person in yourself,.

For example, let's say, for example, your daughter Monica calls to ask you if you can take her to the airport so she can leave for her dream vacation. Now think about it. You already have a to do list that you've been looking forward to attacking for quite some time. Taking Monica to the airport would put you either in a place of getting started late on this project you were planning to get started with, or losing the motivation by the time you fought the traffic to get there and get back home. 

And you know how that is, especially when it's something that, yes, you've been look, you, you've been planning to do it, but it doesn't mean you really want to, but you feel like you need to, you can lose motivation really quickly around those types of projects. But in spite of all of these other thoughts that you're having, you hear the words escape from your lips. Yes, I'll take you. So now you're hooked into something that you didn't want to do, but that's because you've been practicing over giving all your life, and it's because you felt like it's what a loving and caring parent would do. 

The kids are gone now this is just a kid calling up, asking for a favor, and you can't even stop yourself. It's a habit that's so deeply ingrained in you. I don't know if you can relate to this, but I know that I've been there, and it's taken some practice for me to learn to honor my needs. I'll admit I'm not perfect, but I'm in a much better place than when I used to be, when I was accommodating everyone else's needs, but my own. 

The worst part about being an over giver is how you feel once you've committed to something that you didn't want to do in the first place, because honestly, you can start feeling some resentment towards not only the person you over committed to, but towards yourself for not having the courage to speak your truth. Empty nesters. This is a role that no longer serves you, you need to let it go, not only with the kids, but other folks as well, who feel that you have nothing to do now that the nest is empty, let it go.

 Now let's look at the self sacrificer. This is the one who believes that their dreams come second or not at all. You know, there was a time in your life when you needed to put your dreams on hold so that your children's dreams could advance, especially if you were a single parent with little support. Because, you know, we always want the best for our children. So it's almost second nature to make sacrifices for them, but that time is over. 

Now. This is a role that you can let go of as you explore the things that make you smile and bring you joy, and honestly, you might have to do a little excavation of your passions, to get to the ones that actually bring you joy, because you may have forgotten over the years what that is, or what those pursuits are. 

I actually found myself in that situation, as I shared with you in the last episode, I had forgotten that I love to crochet, and guess what? My daughter listened to that episode, and she had never seen me crocheting. She's a millennial, and she had never seen me crocheting, so she didn't even know it was something I enjoyed and wanted to get back to. But lucky for me, she listened to that episode because one of the things she bought me for Mother's Day was a crochet kit. Yay. I'm so excited. I'm planning to get started using it this weekend.

 But enough about me. Let's get back to those roles that we play. So let's talk about the invisible one hiding your needs because you're not the main character anymore. Listen, this is your time. You are the main character, period. 

And so I want you to ask yourself, what roles am I still performing out of habit, not desire? What titles Am I clinging to that don't light me up anymore? You know, letting go isn't about abandoning who you were. It's about creating space for who you're ready to be, and you don't lose your love when you release your role, you simply allow it to evolve.

 So let's talk about how to let go. You know, it's always easy to say what you should do, but then how you should do it can be quite puzzling if it's something you haven't done before. So here are a few practices that you can .try:

 Create a release ritual. And what do I mean by that? I'd like you to write down the roles, expectations or titles you're ready to let go of. Take your time. You don't have to rush it. You don't have to be like a surgeon in the operating room. You can take your time. Write down the roles or expectations and titles that you're ready to let go of. And after you've done that, burn the paper, bury it or tear it up. You can make it a sacred experience, if you want. You can have a song to go with it, a dance to go with it, whatever. But just get rid of it, because you're releasing these roles that are no longer serving you.

 And then what you're going to do is reintroduce yourself to you. Ask yourself, who am I when no one needs me? What do I want to explore, to learn or to feel? And as simple as these questions are, they really are going to require you to go deep and to be honest with yourself. And you can be not just honest, but you can be as outlandish as you want to be, as you reintroduce yourself to you. 

Perhaps you want to go skydiving. Perhaps you want to learn pole dancing. Perhaps you want to learn to ski or to do some mountain climbing or to kayak perhaps Maybe you want to learn plumbing. Maybe you want to have a tool belt and learn how to build a house. There's so many possibilities out there. And then there's always the cooking, the painting, the dancing.  Whatever it is, ask yourself, what do you want to explore or learn or feel? And don't allow any guilt to get in the middle of these thoughts. 

In fact, you're going to replace guilt with permission, and every time guilt creeps in, I want you to pause and say, I have permission to take up space because you do. I have permission to enjoy this chapter. Yes, indeed you do. I have permission to be more than a mother.  Absolutely. All you have to do is start with one bold "Yes" because some of this might take a little bit of courage, but all you have to do is start with one bold "Yes."  

You can say yes to rest without explanation. You can say yes to painting without explanation or guilt, you can say yes to taking a solo trip, yes to your voice being heard again. You may have felt silenced over the years because there was so much chatter around you, it's time to let your voice be heard again. And guess what? You don't have to make a huge leap. You can start small, but you have to commit to beginning 

Listen. Letting go is an act of courage. It's not about forgetting who you've been. It's really about honoring yourself and choosing to become the version of you you never had the time to meet. You're not selfish for turning the spotlight on yourself. In fact, I would say you're being quite wise and brave, and this is only the beginning. I'd say, Don't delay. As soon as you're done listening to this episode, get started. 

Thank you for spending this time with me. Our next episode will drop on June 18, when we'll be talking about How to Dream Again When You've Been in Survival Mode.  Until next time. Keep growing, keep glowing, and keep giving yourself the love you so freely gave to others. You've earned it. 

If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to hear your thoughts. DM me on Instagram @reigniteyourpassionnow.  And if you're ready to dive deeper into what's next for you, book a FREE discovery call with me at bounceforward.online. Let's rediscover your passion and your purpose together. That's bounce forward.online.

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Transcribed by https://otter.ai