When Silence Feels Too Loud: Coping with the Quiet of An Empty Nest.

Peggie Kirkland

 Hi, my beautiful ladies. Today, we're diving into a topic that hits close to home for so many women. For some of you, this might be your very first time as an empty nester. Maybe you just stocked your child's room with snacks, helped them hang their favorite family photos and posters. Hugged them. Goodbye. And held back tears as you drove away. 

I've been there and I've done that, and I can tell you it's rough because you don't want your child to feel the weight of your sadness while they're trying to adjust to a new environment and unbounded freedom. So you get home, open the door, and the silence almost shouts at you. If this is your first experience, welcome to empty nesting.

 But then there are those of you whose nests may have been empty for a while, but even you can still get caught off guard. This could result from. Food shopping or cooking dinner just for one, or sitting in the living room and the TV isn't blaring video games or reality shows anymore, that's when suddenly the quiet becomes the loudest sound in the room, and that's when it's important to recognize what you are feeling in that moment.

It is not just about the absence of kids. In fact, the silence can be a reminder of change, and we know that change, even when it's expected, can cause grief. That's why today, beautiful. Ladies, you're going to learn how to process this new choir. And you'll also learn a few practices that can help you cope when the silence feels too loud.

  Welcome back, beautiful ladies. Today's episode is titled, When Silence Feels Too Loud: Coping with the Quiet of an Empty Nest. Let's dive in. How do you process this quiet that feels like you are the only one in a concert hall after the orchestra has packed up and left? How do you cope with this feeling of emptiness that can overwhelm you?  You know how? By naming it, 

Don't try to ignore it or run away from it, because sometimes the silence has something to teach you if you let it, for example. The silence might be sending you messages to rest and take care of yourself, or it could be asking you to take some time to do some reflection, which is something you can't do if you rush to fill the silence with new noises instead.

Just be still and allow the silence to caress you like a warm blanket and let it take you where you need to be.

So that's one way to cope with the silence. Name it. The second way to cope with the silence is to name what you are feeling. Are you experiencing loneliness, sadness, relief, guilt, freedom? Are you experiencing one of these or all of them , all at once? Believe it or not, that's normal. You've just lived through a huge life transition. Unlike any transition, there's no one right way to feel, so just go ahead. And name what you are feeling. The third thing that you can do to cope with this silence is by remembering this truth.

 The quiet of your empty nest doesn't have to lead to feelings of loneliness. You can think of the silence as an open space between chapters where you finally get to rest, reflect. And rediscover yourself.

 So remember, the quiet of your empty nest doesn't have to lead to feelings of loneliness. Now I'm going to give you four strategies to help you understand the silence and to overcome how it affects you. The first thing you need to do is acknowledge. The silence can feel heavy because all the activities and patterns that have shaped your life for decades they're dissipating.

 They become quiet. It's like the quiet is shouting at you, and you don't know what to do. It's so important to recognize the silence for what it is. It isn't just the absence of kids. The silence is a reminder that a change is taking place in your life, and change, even when you expect it, can bring grief.

 Did you know that? Did you realize that, for example,

 When you make a decision to retire and go to a less busy lifestyle. That change can bring grief because now you have to decide how to downsize, if to downsize, when to downsize, and move to more manageable living accommodations. And even though that may become necessary for you, that can bring grief. Also, having to find new ways of being and doing can be a source of grief,  and that grief needs to be named. You need to name it; it doesn't matter what you call it, whether you call it loneliness, or whether you call it sadness, or whether you call it relief. Tinged with a bit of guilt. Or freedom, whatever you call it, giving words to what you're feeling is like turning on the light in a dark room.  And when you do that, you get to see what you're actually dealing with.

 And this reminds me of something that I experienced recently, when a friend shared that he had lost his dad; the rest of the day felt so heavy. And I couldn't understand it because I had never met his dad, but I recognized that my grief was the result of how much I cared for this friend and how much I hated to see him in such pain. and it also brought back memories of loss in my own life.  It wasn't until I was in conversation with a friend and I shared how I was feeling, and it gave me an opportunity to acknowledge the grief, that's when I felt the weight just melt away, and that's why it's so important to name what you're feeling in the silence. It's

Now, having said all that, you might be curious about understanding why the silence feels so loud. This quiet that you're experiencing is not just the absence of sound. It is the absence of things that mark your identity. characteristics that defined you for so many years. Some of those characteristics include. Being a mom, being a taxi driver, being a problem solver, being the cheerleader, the nurse, the chef, the chief consoler, these were roles that you fulfilled for decades, and now with those roles gone or lessened, life can feel endless and uncertain.

So understanding that these feelings are normal can help you be compassionate with yourself.  So how do we process this quiet? I'm going to give you a few practices that can help you cope. When the silence feels too loud, the first thing you can do is give a name to the emotion. Ask yourself, is this loneliness? Is it relief that you no longer have all those responsibilities? Is it guilt because you're feeling relieved to no longer have to cater to your child's every need?  In fact, you have a sense of freedom. Are you feeling guilty about that?

 Just know that it's okay to have all of those feelings. You've lived through a huge life transition. Unlike any transition, there's no one right way to feel.  So how do we process this? Quiet. I'm going to give you a few practices that can help you cope during this time. One of the things you can do is transform the silence into something nurturing rather than something that's haunting you.

Choose to play music that is uplifting. Be intentional about the songs you create to fill that gap. One thing that I discovered is that the worst thing you could do when you're going through heartbreak is to play love songs. You know what I'm talking about? That only creates more feelings of loneliness and loss. You may even want to listen to a podcast with uplifting messages like this one, Momma's Motivational Messages. 

Another thing you can do is reconnect with your senses. Instead of focusing on what's missing, notice what's here. The taste of your morning coffee or tea. The songs of birds outside your window, the feel of fresh sheets when you climb into bed, ground yourself in these small pleasures, and you'll get major gains from them. Then you can reimagine the quietest possibility. Ask yourself, what have I longed to do, but never had the time for? And it doesn't have to be a grand project. It could be rediscovering your love for reading, taking a daily walk, or signing up for that jewelry-making class you've put off for years. Taking a class in home improvement, buying a tool belt, and building something, something I'd like to do. Take a pottery class or an exotic cooking class. There's so many ways to reimagine the quiet.

 Think of your life as a blank canvas. This is your chance to pick up the brush and decide what colors, textures, shapes you want to fill it with. The possibilities are endless, and you'll be shifting your mind. From seeing the silence as a loss to seeing it as an opportunity. Now, I know this process can feel overwhelming, especially if you've been living in service to everyone else for so long.

You may start telling yourself that you'll start tomorrow. In fact, you may fall victim to procrastination. the tendency to put off for tomorrow, what you can do today. All that I've just shared with you means nothing if you don't take action today instead of promising to start tomorrow, and tomorrow.

 My beautiful lady's procrastination is a sneaky little thief that can prevent you from getting started on your new journey.

 It is like sitting in a parked car with the engine running. You burn fuel, but you go nowhere. The key is to take tiny immediate action, even 60 seconds of movement can get your momentum going.

I want you to think of procrastination like weeds in a garden. At first, they seem small and harmless, but if you let them grow unchecked, they choke out the flowers of your dreams. I see that whenever I go out to do a bit of gardening and their weeds, some of them are vines and they're wrapped around my fig tree, preventing my figs from blooming the way they should. When you say, I'll do it later, what you're really saying is, I'm okay with letting weeds grow, and we know that weeds are not helpful when what we are looking forward to is a bountiful harvest. The antidote to that is action, even if they're tiny, imperfect steps.

 It's not about perfection, and this makes me think of a fable. My mom would always tell me to get me to take immediate action. She talked about a farmer who kept staring at his field every day, saying, I'll plant seeds tomorrow. I wouldn't want to let her know that I've got a stack of packets of seeds that I was planning to plant.  This spring, and it never happened. But like this farmer, each day he found a reason to wait. It's either the sun was too hot, the clouds were too dark, or he simply didn't feel ready. And you know what happened? Weeks passed, then months, and when he finally scattered his seeds, the season had shifted, the rains had stopped, and the ground was too hard.

 You don't have to wonder what his harvest was like. It was meager, and he had little to show for all the time he had spent thinking about it. So the moral of this little fable is that waiting for perfect conditions is just another form of procrastination. The best time to plant those seeds. Or start your next chapter is now, right now.  You can't let what happened to that farmer happen to you. That's why I created a brand new resource just for you. It's called the No More Later Report. It's free.

 The No More Later report is your five-day mini guide to breaking out of Procrastination Nation. And let me share with you what you learn by picking up this free report. You learn how to catch the "later" lie before it stalls your momentum.   You learn how to spot micro stalls in disguise. Micro stalls are those sneaky little excuses that seem harmless, but keep you stuck. You learn how to rewire your brain with a trigger phrase so you can take action right away. And you learn how to say no to excuses without justifying them.

And finally, you learn how to use the one-minute momentum method to get started. Even when you don't feel ready, each day comes with a short, doable exercise. So you don't just think about change, you actually start living it. So if you've been saying later to your own dreams, this is your invitation to stop delaying and start fueling your future with action.

Download your free copy of the No More Later free report today at ne dot mamas motivational messages.com. I'll drop the address in the description and the link in the show notes.  Remember also that your journey from survival to dreaming is one step, one breath, one choice at a time. And I'm here to walk alongside you so my friend. If the silence feels too loud right now, remember you're not alone. And don't think for one moment that you're crazy to feel this way. What you are feeling is part of the transition.

And with time reflection and gentle practices, this quiet can become your ally.    The silence isn't here to punish you. It's here to give you room. Room to breathe. Room to dream, room to rediscover you.

 That's it for now, ladies. If today's conversation stirred something in you, don't let it slip away. Download the free workbook no more later, and take that first step toward making this silence your sanctuary instead of your struggle.  Until next time, this is PK sending you much light and a whole lot of love.