Feeling Overwhelmed in Midlife? Your Emotions Are Trying to Tell You Something

 Dr. Peggie Kirkland (PK):  Welcome back, my beautiful midlifers and empty nesters. Before we dive in, a quick recap of where we've been. In episode three, we talked about your social health, your friendships and connections, and this was the central message. Your relationships are not a luxury. They're medicine. We looked at the science, including that landmark 80-year Harvard study that found the single greatest predictor of health, happiness, and longevity. Was not wealth, not status, not even genetics. It was the quality of your close relationships.

[00:00:50] And we got honest about the loneliness epidemic and the fact that chronic loneliness carries health [00:01:00] risks comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. I left you with one reframe. That is to think of your social connections like a garden that you take care of intentionally. By that, I mean know who energizes you and who drains you.

[00:01:23] And I sincerely hope you took one small action after listening to that episode. Whether it was sending one text, one voice note, or one reach-out to someone you've been meaning to reconnect with. Did you?  Please let me know in the comments.

[00:01:48] Today, we are going somewhere deeper. We are talking about your emotional health. And here's what I want you to understand before we begin. [00:02:00] Your emotions are not random. They're not weaknesses. As women, we are led to believe that showing our emotions is a sign that we cannot control our feelings or that we are needy.

[00:02:17] I am here to tell you that our emotions are not inconveniences to be managed for everyone else's comfort. Your emotions are data. They're your inner GPS constantly sending you signals about what is working in your life and what is not, what you need more of and what you need less of. Where your boundaries have been crossed and where your values are not being honored.

[00:02:52] The problem is that most of us never learned to read those signals. We learned [00:03:00] to suppress our feelings, push them down, or let them come out sideways when we could no longer hold them in. I think.

[00:03:12] There were times when I would've gotten an A plus for this characteristic because I learned to push my own emotions down so far that I couldn't even recognize physical pain when I was going through it. In fact, I recall walking around with a fractured finger for two weeks before seeking medical attention.

[00:03:38] And that was after someone asked if I had gone to the doctor. That sounded like such a foreign idea. I had been putting everyone else's needs in front of my own discomfort. I don't know if any of you could relate, but that was my [00:04:00] story. That's why today we're going to do something different. We are going to lift the metaphorical hood. Think about your car for a moment. You can drive it every single day without ever looking under the hood. It gets you where you need to go. But you never check what is happening underneath the engine.

[00:04:25] The fluids, the warning lights, small problems become big ones. Things wear down quietly, and one day, something stops working, and you're stranded on the side of the road. This just happened to a friend of mine who had not put any antifreeze in her vehicle for a while. And she called me, you guessed it, from the side of the road, wondering how she got there and what to do next.

[00:04:58] Your emotional [00:05:00] life works exactly the same way. You can keep moving, keep functioning, keep showing up for everyone who needs you, without ever checking what is actually running beneath the surface. But those unexamined emotions, they don't disappear. They run in the background quietly shaping your decisions, your relationships, your energy, and your health until one day they demand your attention in a way that you can no longer ignore. Today, we are lifting the hood together, not to fix everything at once, but to finally see what is actually going on in there.

[00:05:48] One of my favorite authors is Brené Brown. In her book The Gifts of Imperfection, she describes connection [00:06:00] as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued. She says, we are hardwired for connection.

[00:06:12] You know that feeling when you've been having a hard week carrying something heavy, quietly. And then one phone call with the right person, one real conversation, one moment of being truly heard, and somehow the weight shifts, you didn't solve the problem.

[00:06:36] Nothing changed externally, but you feel different, lighter, more able. That is not magic. That is biology. That is a result of the connection we made with someone who could empathize. That is what we were made for. Your body knows you need [00:07:00] connection. It has always known. We are the ones who learn to override the signal, just like we do with our vehicles.

[00:07:10] That's why it's so important to be able to identify and name what you're feeling. Have you ever said to a friend who asked how you were feeling? I just don't feel right, which is difficult to find a solution for. If what you mean is I feel overwhelmed or I feel overlooked in this moment, that's different because if you can find what's causing the overwhelm or the ways in which you're being overlooked, you can find ways to resolve that situation.

[00:07:51] Researchers refer to this ability to put a recognizable name on what you're feeling as emotional [00:08:00] granularity, and that is strongly linked to better mental health outcomes, lower rates of depression, and more effective coping strategies. The more precisely you can name what you're feeling, the more power you have to actually address it.

[00:08:22] Historically, women have been told that being emotional is a weakness from the boardroom to the bedroom. The message has been keep it together. Stay professional. Don't cry. But here's what history also shows us. Some of the most transformative moments in women's history were fueled by emotion, by righteous anger, by grief that became organizing fuel, by love that refused to accept injustice.

[00:08:57] The women who marched for [00:09:00] suffrage were not emotionless. The women who fought for civil rights were not emotionless.  Emotion, when understood and channeled with intention, is power.

[00:09:15] Now, in case you're wondering, here are some signs that your emotional health needs attention. Isolating yourself from friends, family, or coworkers. Sleeping too much or too little consistently, the increased use of alcohol substances, or numbing behaviors. Persistent feelings of guilt, hopelessness, or worthlessness, neglecting personal hygiene or self-care routines, difficulty experiencing joy, the things that used to bring pleasure.[00:10:00] 

[00:10:01] If any of these clues from Dr. Dan Brennan's medically reviewed work resonate with you, then it's time to take action. That action is to start paying attention to this data. For so long, you have been the one who holds it together for everyone else.

[00:10:24] The one who notices when others are struggling, the one who asks the right questions, offers the right words, shows up when it matters. Today I'm asking you to turn that same attention inward. Because you deserve the same quality of care that you've always given so freely to others. When you stop being a supporting character in everyone else's story and become the main character in your own [00:11:00] story, you will approach life with more confidence and more joy.

[00:11:07] That is what today's affirmation will help you to do. So I want you to say this affirmation like you mean it, say it like it is already true, and I want you to receive it, not just repeat it. Here's today's affirmation. I honor my emotions as messengers of truth. I am worthy of being seen, heard, and valued, beginning with myself.

[00:11:43] I honor my emotions as messengers of truth. I am worthy of being seen, heard, and valued, beginning with myself. I honor my emotions as [00:12:00] messengers of truth. I am worthy of being seen, heard, and valued, beginning with myself.

[00:12:09] In closing this episode, I encourage you to look under the metaphorical hood. Don't cover the dashboard lights. Your emotional health is not a luxury. It is the foundation of everything else we've talked about and everything we are about to discuss. In our next episode, we'll be taking a look at your professional health and work-life balance.

[00:12:40] Until then, this is PK sending you much light and a whole lot of love.