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May 04, 2022
You Deserve to Put Yourself First on Mother's Day And Beyond!

It's true that Mother's Day is a day when women are the focus of their family's  affection and adoration, but sadly, this attention may not extend beyond the day or to the same degree.  That's why you need to enjoy the day, but remember that it is still your responsibility to keep yourself front and center when the day is over. Think about it.  What would your life be…


You Deserve to Put Yourself First on Mother’s Day And Beyond

What would your life be like if you stopped taking care of everyone else's needs first, and instead, made your own needs your first priority.?   Would you have more joy, better health, less stress, or the ability to focus on your own life's purpose?  Listen to this episode to find out.

It's true that Mother's Day is a day when women are the focus of their family's  affection and adoration, but sadly, this attention may not extend beyond the day or to the same degree.  That's why you need to enjoy the day, but remember that it is still your responsibility

to keep yourself front and center when the day is over.

Some Benefits of Putting Your Own Needs First 

  • You can improve your mental health by having less stress; May is Mental Health Awareness month:  National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) 
  • You can better support the goals of the other people in your life.  
  • You can be happier and more joyful
  • You can get others to respect you more
  • Your partners and family members will respect you more
  • You can become more productive
  • You can feel more free to live in your purpose

Some Strategies for Putting Yourself First

  • Take care of your mental health:  seek the help of a mental health professional if you cannot cope by yourself.  Feel free to try out a few before you settle on one; ask family and friends for recommendations
  • Take care of your physical health:  change your mindset and get regular exercise; get a fitness partner or gadget to keep you accountable
  • Change your diet: get a dietitian or nutritionist to help you design new meal plans
  • Get sufficient sleep: crabby people are no fun; try meditation, yoga, massages
  • Focus on your spiritual health: connect with your religious affiliations if you have those, but also find your purpose in life; why are you taking up space in the world?
  • Set personal boundaries and don’t be afraid to say, “No” to anything that does not align with your purpose

Resources:

 National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) 

Therapy Group of NYC

Download your Freebies:

eBook: Putting Yourself First Without Guilt 

            Affirmation eCards

 

Connect with PK:

Website: https://www.mommasmotivationalmessages.com

Twitter: https://wwwtwitter.com/.momsmotivations

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/momsmotivations

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mommotivates

Transcript

Peggie Kirkland  0:04  
Welcome to the Momma's Motivational Messages podcast, where women learn to stop putting themselves on the back burner and start paying attention to caring for themselves first, so they can be better for everyone else in their lives. I know you'll be inspired by the stories of resiliency and starting over, of health and self-healing, of gaining clarity through journaling, of showing self-love through world travel, and the list goes on. I encourage you to relax and enjoy. I'm your host Peggie Kirkland, PK. 

Peggie Kirkland  0:46  
Hi, everyone. I'm so glad that of all the things you could be doing with your time, you decided to join us for another episode of Momma's Motivational Messages. Listen, if you're not already a subscriber, please subscribe so you never miss an episode of tips and techniques for putting your mental, physical and spiritual health first. 

Peggie Kirkland  1:13  
By the way, have you downloaded your FREE ebook on putting yourself first without guilt? If you haven't, I recommend you head over to our website at www.Momma's Motivational Messages.com to download your copy today so you can start prioritizing your needs without feeling guilty about it. And Momma's is spelled M O M M A S. That's right. Momma's Motivational Messages..com 

Peggie Kirkland  1:46  
Happy Mother's Day, ladies. It's a little early because as you know, we publish new episodes on the first and third Wednesday of every month. So you're getting this greeting a little bit early, but with a lot of love. Yes, we made it through another year. This year, so much happened in our lives and in the world around this. There were many highs and there were many lows. But aren't we grateful, though, for the fact that we were able to weather the storms in our lives? And here we are able to spend another Mother's Day with our loved ones. 

Peggie Kirkland  2:31  
So once again, I want to wish you all a happy, happy and delightful Mother's Day, not just to those who have biological offspring. But I really don't want to forget those ladies who have mothered other people's children giving up their time taking care of their physical, emotional, and let's not forget very often, their financial needs. Those children are so blessed to have you mothers in their lives. So, enjoy the day, enjoy the day and just revel in all of the love and affection that you're getting on that day. But before I get to today's topic, I just wanted to share an observation with you if that's okay. Have you ever noticed how shopping for Mother's Day at the mall looks like shopping on Christmas Eve with everyone scurrying around, trying to find the just right gift for the mothers in their lives? It's almost as if they didn't know, 364 days ago, that Mother's Day was coming. And that's in addition to all of the shopping that's taking place online. But it certainly speaks to the significance of mothers in shaping the lives of children. Anyway, that was my observation. Okay. 

Peggie Kirkland  4:05  
So I know that on Mother's Day, you're going to receive many tokens of love and affection from the people in your lives. But I also want you to think about how you can honor yourself by making your mental, physical and spiritual needs a priority on this day, but also on all of the days to follow. Is this something you've been struggling with because you've been socialized to believe that you should be a tireless caregiver, nd that's gonna guarantee you some extra stars in your crown?  You know, we're always talking about getting stars for our crown.  Or is it something that you don't do because you feel your family and friends will put you down if you take care of your needs before you take care of theirs? Or maybe somewhere in your mind, you believe that you're not worthy enough to put yourself front and center. You're the only one who has the answer to that. But whatever category you find yourself in, I want to let you know that you can reset your thinking. So instead of thinking a bunch of negative things that can happen, if you focus on yourself first, I want you to shift your thinking, to focusing on the many benefits you can enjoy instead. 

Peggie Kirkland  5:39  
For one thing, when you make yourself a priority, you feel happier, and more joyful. Let me explain. Have you ever noticed when you take time, when you make a decision that I'm going to take some time for myself, and I'm going to indulge in guilty pleasures, whatever those may be, whether it's looking at reality TV, whether it's engaging in retail therapy; it could be just taking a day to do absolutely nothing. and staying in your pjs with a good book and some treats. Whatever it is. Have you ever noticed how joyful you feel from the freedom to know that you allowed yourself, you gave yourself permission to focus just on you? Have you ever noticed how energetic you feel after you've done that, and how productive you become, when you put yourself first, I want you to think about that. 

Peggie Kirkland  6:50  
Another benefit that you can get from putting yourself first is that you get respect from others. Listen to my logic. You know, basically we teach others how to treat us, I think it's Oprah that I heard say that a few decades ago. And when people observe how you treat yourself, what you're saying to them is, this is a baseline. Yep. So you've got to set the bar high, if that's how you want to be treated. And by the way, this can be especially important when you're dealing with significant others, and even your children sometimes. So just remember, show people how you want to be treated. So that's another benefit you can get from putting yourself first. 

Peggie Kirkland  7:48  
A third benefit that you can get from putting yourself first is experiencing less stress because anything that puts extra demands on your mental and physical body creates stress in your life. So if you allow yourself to become overwhelmed by other people's problems and situations, you know what that does, it makes you agitated, moody, you can even become resentful of those people, and even depressed. So it's really important that if caring for other people is a natural instinct for you, you should never care for others to your own detriment, because then nobody benefits from that. 

Peggie Kirkland  8:37  
So to recap, I shared three benefits to putting yourself first one, you can be happier and more joyful. Two, you get others to respect you. And three, you would suffer from less stress. So let me share with you some tips for putting yourself first. 

Peggie Kirkland  9:03  
 The first thing that you need to do is to take care of your mental health. Incidentally, May has been designated as Mental Health Awareness Month in the US. And that's been happening since 1949. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, each year, millions of Americans face the reality of living with a mental illness. And, you know, the isolation that came about because of the pandemic also contributed to that number of people who are suffering and living with mental illness. So it's extremely important for you to take care of your mental health. 

Peggie Kirkland  9:46  
Of course, it's easier said than done for some people because there's a stigma that's associated with getting help for mental health issues. Of course, it's not as as great as it used to be, but it's still there, especially within the black community, where we tend to rely on coping strategies that are given by your pastor, let's say, for example, and maybe from that prayer warrior who says, "Just pray about it, and everything is going to be okay."  

Peggie Kirkland  10:25  
Now, it's not to say that those suggestions may not provide you some benefit. However, you have to know whether those suggestions are working for you. And if not, then you should get help from a professional. And part of the problem that I've heard from some of you is that you just don't know how to choose a mental health professional, and that it's not so easy to do. What I would say to that is to find someone that's the right fit for you, you can start by asking family and friends for recommendations. Also, most jobs, have an employers Assistant Program Office, where you could check to see if they have some referrals there. Or you could talk with your physician, or you can use an online therapy platform.  

Peggie Kirkland  11:26  
The bottom line is that you need to take time to investigate the various types of therapy that are available. And this way, you can determine which one is comfortable for you. It's like when you're on the hunt for a new pair of shoes. You know how we do ladies, we try on several pairs, before we decide on the one that we're going to buy. It's so funny, I was shopping with my son when he was younger, once, and he said, he said, "Mommy, I don't understand what's the difference with these shoes, they're all black, I don't understand why we have so many here."

Peggie Kirkland  12:08  
I didn't try to explain that. But it's the same thing when you're looking for a mental health professional, you have to try out a few and then see which one is the right fit for you because that's going to be important in terms of you making progress with your mental health. 

Peggie Kirkland  12:31  
The next one is to take care of your physical health. And that means getting regular physical exercise. I know you hear this all the time, and I know sometimes it falls on deaf ears, if exercising is not your thing. So you might have to trick your brain, like I do sometimes, you know. The first thing you do go out and buy some cute workout gear, and then put it in a conspicuous place, like right on your bed. So when you come back in from the office, or when you're done with your day of work at home, it's staring you down and begging you to put it on and be cute and do something for your physical health. That's one way that you can trick your brain as it were. If that doesn't help, you might need to get yourself an accountability partner to help you or some fitness gadget that helps you keep track of your workouts or back to the gym, gyms are open once again. So there are many choices.  You just need to find the right fit for you. 

Peggie Kirkland  13:42  
Of course, in addition to exercise, diet is also equally important. Now, if you need a diet overhaul, and you know if you do, then you might have to get a dietitian or a nutritionist to help you. Both of these are experts in food and diet. And they can help you to design meal plans that can improve your health. 

Peggie Kirkland  14:06  
When we talk about physical health, we're also talking about getting sufficient sleep. This is an important component of putting yourself first. I'm sure you've noticed how different you feel when you've had enough rest versus when you haven't. Your performance is different because you're able to focus more on what you're doing, and you don't have that sense of feeling sluggish and tired and unable to think and to act in the ways in which you would normally.

Peggie Kirkland  14:38  
 In fact, some people are downright crabby when they haven't had enough rest. I'm sure you've encountered some of those. I know you're not one, but I'm sure you've encountered some of those. And you notice how people avoid them like the plague on those days because crabby people are no are fun to be around. So don't be one of them. Don't let anyone get between you and your rest because you can increase your energy by having a relaxation routine. Maybe doing some yoga or some meditation or getting a massage will help you to relax. Remember, it's all about you, and putting yourself first, not to be selfish, but so that you can be better for the other people in your lives. 

Peggie Kirkland  15:31  
And finally, focus on your spiritual health. And now, when I talk about spiritual health, it's not just about your religious affiliations, but it's about finding your purpose in life. That's part of your spiritual health. When you know your purpose, it makes it easier for you to say "No" to people, and to things that do not align with your goals because when you have a purpose to fulfill, you can put on your horse blinders as you work toward your goal. And this way, you know, what doesn't fit in. And you have to put that on the backburner until you're able to accomplish what you have set out to accomplish.   

Peggie Kirkland  16:23  
You'll feel so much more fulfilled, if you're able to do that. Otherwise, you're going to find yourself committing to all kinds of things that you don't have the time or the bandwidth to engage in. And then after you've made that commitment, what happens? You become resentful of the person you committed to, or the activity you committed to. And instead of taking responsibility for the fact that you're the one who did this, you get upset with other people. So it's really important to focus on your purpose, and to align your activities with your purpose. 

Peggie Kirkland  17:05  
And if you've been practicing putting yourself first, it's going to be easy to set boundaries that allow you to set aside time for yourself and to mark it as sacred. And don't let anyone violate it. It's not forever, it's for a period of time where you are front and center. Okay. So these are some of my suggestions for ways in which you can make your mental, physical and spiritual health a priority. 

Peggie Kirkland  17:40  
So enjoy your time being in the spotlight this Mother's Day. But don't be blinded by the glare and forget the importance of putting yourself first. Have an awesome day. And don't forget to download your FREE ebook with more strategies for putting yourself first at www.Momma's Motivational Messages.com. 

Peggie Kirkland  18:09  
Listen, if you're enjoying the content we provide, and you want us to stay on the air, please consider making a donation on our website. Just click the donate button. 

Peggie Kirkland  18:20  
Many thanks to those of you who have sent us donations. Thank you so much for that. And a big thank you to everyone around the world who's been downloading rating and reviewing the show. A big shout out to our listeners in Frankfurt, Germany, in the UK, in Canada, and in Massachusetts, the US. Thank you so much. 

Peggie Kirkland  18:48  
By the way, ladies, I almost forgot to mention that we'll be taking a break until August 17.  But you can continue to enjoy some of the episodes you may have missed, or you know the ones you told yourself, you would come back to but you didn't. It's like those reruns of your favorite TV shows. You ever notice how when you watch something you've seen before, how you see things that you've missed the first time around? 

Peggie Kirkland  19:17  
Well, I'm sure the same thing will happen. When you take a second or third, listen to some of the episodes. I know you're going to enjoy them. So thanks in advance for listening. That's it until we catch up again for Season Three. I want you to enjoy the summer, so please stay safe and healthy.

Peggie Kirkland  19:43  
If you've been inspired and encouraged by the positive messages in today's show, please take a moment to rate and review the show on Apple podcast. This will help to keep the show alive. And remember. Sharing is caring. So Don't forget to share these gems with friends and family, strangers to if you like, let them know it's available wherever they listen to their podcasts. I'm counting on you to share the love. Until next time, this is PK, sending you much light and a whole lot of love.