The Empty Nest Guilt Nobody Talks About

Enhanced Final Empty Nest Rerun 8.19.26 - 8-19-26, 4.37 PM-esv2-50p-bg-10p-music-10p

[00:00:00] Peggie Kirkland: Hi, my beautiful empty nesters. What you're about to hear is the first of eight carefully chosen conversations that I've pulled from the archives specifically for where many of you are right now. Each one was chosen deliberately. Each one builds on the one before it Today's episode names something that so many of you are feeling right now, but may not have the words to describe it.

[00:00:34] I'm talking about that strange mix of guilt, relief, confusion, and longing that shows up when the house goes quiet. Today's episode is titled My Kids Left and I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore. I want you to listen for the moment when I talk about guilt, because I think it's [00:01:00] going to surprise you to hear what I have to say.

[00:01:05] So if today's episode speaks to your heart, and I think it will, do one thing for me before you get too comfortable. Hit subscribe wherever you're listening right now, because next week's conversation goes somewhere even deeper, and you don't want to miss it by accident. Okay, let's get into this

[00:01:36] Welcome to the Mama's Motivational Messages Podcast, where women learn to stop putting themselves on the back burner and start paying attention to caring for themselves first so they can be better for everyone else in their lives. I know you'll be inspired by the stories of resiliency and starting over, of health and self-healing, [00:02:00] of gaining clarity through journaling, of showing self-love through world travel, and the list goes on.

[00:02:08] I encourage you to relax and enjoy. I'm your host, Peggy Kirkland, PK

[00:02:18] Speaker 2: Welcome back to 

[00:02:19] Peggie Kirkland: season three of the Mama's Motivational Messages podcast, where we're focusing on you, empty nesters. It's PK. Yes, I'm a mama, I'm a life coach, I'm a poet, I'm a lifelong learner, and an empty nester just like you. So listen, you spent the last three decades working and raising kids And now the house is empty.

[00:02:50] And you're at your wit's end as you walk through this empty house or apartment, asking yourself, "Now what?" [00:03:00] So if that's where you're finding yourself right now, you're in the right place because today's episode is about how to reconnect with yourself after decades of putting others first. So as I said, you've been a caregiver for decades, which basically means you've been caring for everyone, pouring yourself into everyone, taking care of everyone else's needs, their schedules, their plans, their dreams, their goals.

[00:03:34] And now that the house is empty, you don't even recognize yourself. In fact, when you think about it, you don't even know what fun looks like anymore. You don't know what you enjoy independently of your children. Take my friend Cherie, for example. I was talking with her, and Cherie is 56 years old. She's a [00:04:00] retired teacher, and she's a mom of three.

[00:04:03] And after her youngest child left for college, she said she felt like she was drifting. She said, "I spent so long pouring into my family, I forgot what I like doing for fun." And honestly, Cherie's story is not unique. I can say that I've been in Cherie's place before, absolutely. You know, you can crave the peace that you now have and still miss the activity that the kids generated because you don't have any activities of your own to fill the gap.

[00:04:39] The irony is that now you have time. You have time on your hands. But here's the kicker. Your issue is not time anymore. That's not the challenge that we empty nesters have necessarily. Do you know what that challenge is? It's guilt. [00:05:00] Yep, you heard me. Guilt. 

[00:05:02] Speaker 2: I'm 

[00:05:02] Peggie Kirkland: gonna give you a moment to absorb that. And I know some of you 

[00:05:07] Speaker 2: might be saying, "Oh, that's not me.

[00:05:10] I don't feel guilty." 

[00:05:13] Peggie Kirkland: Pause right there with me for a moment. If that word guilt just landed somewhere real for you- I want to assure you that you won't have to figure any of this out alone, because I'm actually building something right now, a community specifically for midlife women who are navigating a variety of transitions and who are ready to have this conversation together.

[00:05:44] It will be a place where you can find support, free resources, and women who get exactly where you are. It's not quite ready yet, but it's coming, [00:06:00] and when it does, you're going to want to be among the first to know about it. The best way to make sure that happens is to subscribe to this podcast and stay close.

[00:06:15] I'll share all the details right here as soon as it's ready. 

[00:06:19] Speaker 2: Okay. 

[00:06:21] Peggie Kirkland: I'm gonna encourage you to check your thought process when you think about spending more than you normally do on something for yourself, for example. In fact, one of my coaching clients, Lisa, told me she feels selfish doing something that is just for her.

[00:06:40] Can you relate to this? Do you find yourself hesitating because you want to buy something, but you think it costs too much, and your kids might still need help from you, so you've got to keep those funds in reserve? I'll tell you, I experienced that so many times that I had to [00:07:00] teach myself that it was okay to put me first, and that's when I was able to book my first trip to Europe, and it was so worth it.

[00:07:10] And guess what? The kids that I was worried about, they were so happy for me that I was doing something that they felt I deserved. I'm not perfect. I'm still a work in progress, even though I've been an empty nester for a few years now, but I'm continuing on that journey to fulfillment. It's like my mom always said, "Inch by inch, it's a cinch."

[00:07:41] And you know, things are not gonna change overnight, but you have to show yourself some self-compassion and recognize that reconnecting with yourself isn't selfish at all, and there's no need for you to feel guilty about it, [00:08:00] especially since this focus on yourself can improve things like your mental health.

[00:08:08] It can reduce anxiety. It can improve your cognitive functioning and just increase your overall satisfaction with life. To get you started on this journey of reconnection, I'm gonna give you some actionable steps so that you can start bouncing forward. I'll give you a moment to grab a pen and paper if you wanna write these down or get the notes section on your phone or tablet or whatever device you're using Number one, create Me Time Mondays.

[00:08:47] So what you'll do is you're gonna block out 30 to 60 minutes every Monday just to do something that nourishes you, whether it's reading, walking, [00:09:00] dancing, painting, writing, whatever it is. It could even be indulging in some retail therapy, and you know, we know how to do that. It's your time, and you should think of it as your guilt-free time.

[00:09:18] Number two, I want you to get a journal, and in that journal, I want you to write like you're meeting yourself again. Just sit quietly and breathe, and ask yourself, "What lit me up before life got so full?" Write in your journal an answer to that prompt. And I want you to start each entry with, "Today, I remembered that I love..."

[00:09:46] Dot, dot, dot. This is an opportunity to reacquaint yourself with past hobbies or future desires. And when I did this, it made me remember that I loved [00:10:00] to crochet, and I haven't done it in decades, probably since I crocheted the baby clothes for my eldest son. And at that time, I crocheted a blanket, booties, a hat, scarf, sweater, and whatever else I thought he might need as a newborn baby.

[00:10:23] I haven't done it since, and I really would love to get back to that. Number three, remember inch by inch, it's a cinch. Say yes to small joys, things like taking yourself to breakfast, brunch, or dinner. Gift yourself with the bouquet you wish someone would send to you. You don't have to wait for that. Gift it to yourself.

[00:10:49] Buy that bracelet or other piece of jewelry that you've been eyeing but you kept putting off because it was too expensive. You know, these small [00:11:00] yeses can turn into big transformations along the way. Number four Join a circle or community. You know, when you're isolated, it can make reconnection with yourself so much harder, because what happens is you turn more and more inside.

[00:11:20] And then when you go out, you don't even know how to participate in a conversation anymore because you've been so locked out for so long. So you can try a class, or a meetup, or a volunteer event to participate in. Just say yes to the you that's been patiently waiting. Number five: carve out sacred time each day, even if it's just 10 minutes, to make an appointment with you.

[00:11:52] And during that time, do absolutely nothing. No phone, no [00:12:00] TV, no distractions, and let that time take you wherever it wants to. You don't have to be productive. You've done that for decades. Just be still and know. See how you feel after that 10 minutes, and move on with whatever you need to do after that.

[00:12:19] And if you feel like it, you can extend that time from 10 minutes to 15 to 20, whatever feels right for you. Number six: find a mirror mentor, and by that, I mean find women who reflect the life you want to live now. Be on the lookout for these opportunities. When you attend meetups or volunteer, or just when you're up and about, keep your eyes open and you'll see.

[00:12:50] You'll attract to you whatever is in your deep consciousness. Number seven: talk back to guilt. Yeah. Don't be [00:13:00] afraid. Just think of it this way. Would you want some female friend or relative that you really care about to feel guilty about taking care of herself? If your answer is no, then show the same compassion you would for them to yourself.

[00:13:20] You have to be self-compassionate. Listen, don't wait any longer. Get started on reconnecting with what you love. You can start small, and you'll get better over time. You've spent decades showing up for others. Now it's time to show up for you, because it isn't the end of your story. Thank you for spending this time with me.

[00:13:45] If today's episode spoke to your heart, and you don't want to miss any of what I'm building for you, then join our insider list at mommasmotivationmessages.com. That's momma [00:14:00] with an O, M-O-M-M-A. You'll be able to find that link in the show notes. Next week, I have something coming from the archives that goes even deeper into the identity question: who are you underneath all the roles you've been playing?

[00:14:21] Stay close, and join our insider list at mommasmotivationmessages.com. You can also find the link in the show notes. We're just getting started. Until next time, this is PK sending you much light and a whole lot of love [00:15:00]