The Story That Will Make You Stop Putting Your Life Off

The Story That Will Make You Stop Putting Your Life Off

[00:00:00] I told you last week that something was coming. This is it. This episode features a conversation with Aislinn Hamilton, and I chose it as the heart of this archive series because it contains a story that I believe every woman in midlife needs to hear. I'm not going to tell you what that story is. I'm going to let Aislinn tell it in her own words.

[00:00:27] But I will say this, when I first heard it, I had to sit quietly for a few minutes afterward. I think you might too

[00:00:38]: here's what I want you to listen for today: the difference between surviving and thriving, the moment regret becomes a turning point. Listen for how Icelyn's friend's dying words, don't just land as a sad story, but as the pivotal moment that changed how [00:01:00] Icelyn lives.

[00:01:00] And listen for what putting yourself first actually looks like in practice. It can start with small refusals, not apologizing for saying no, and not putting your own health on the back burner to satisfy everyone else's needs. I guarantee you, there's a lot to be learned here

[00:01:22] Before we get into this conversation, I want to make sure you're subscribed to the podcast. So subscribe now and join the insider list at mommasmotivationmessages.com. That's mommas with an O. M-O-M-M-A-S. And stay close so you don't miss a thing

[00:01:47] Okay, let's get into this.

[00:01:51] Welcome to the Mama's Motivational Messages Podcast, where women learn to stop putting themselves [00:02:00] on the back burner and start paying attention to caring for themselves first so they can be better for everyone else in their lives. I know you'll be inspired by the stories of resiliency and starting over, of health and self-healing, of gaining clarity through journaling, of showing self-love through world travel, and the list goes on.

[00:02:25] I encourage you to relax and enjoy. I'm your host,

[00:02:30]: Peggy Kirkland, PK

[00:02:35]: Hi, ladies. How are you doing on the journey to making yourself a priority? Are you a beginner, still feeling guilty when you do something awesome or just nice for yourself? Are you at the intermediate stage, where you still feel a bit of guilt when you put yourself first? Or are you a pro, where you're [00:03:00] able to put yourself first unapologetically, if not all of the time, at least some of the time?

[00:03:08] Wherever you are in your journey, I'm here to motivate and encourage you to keep pressing on. I promise you that the more you do it, the easier it gets, and best of all, you'll be able to experience the benefits to your mind, body, and spirit. In today's episode, you're gonna hear from a woman who knows a thing or two about putting herself first.

[00:03:36] So I'm delighted to welcome Icelyn Hamilton Austin to share some of her life experiences with us. Icelyn has been in nursing for 43 years and has been a family nurse practitioner for 21 years, specializing in nearly every area of maternal childcare [00:04:00] Icelyn is also a 16-year breast cancer survivor who is thriving in her life to the point where she authored and self-published three children's books.

[00:04:13] She's the mother of two adult children and the grandmother of two-year-old twins. Icelyn spends her quiet time writing and reading. That's when she's not at a concert, on the beach, or traveling. Welcome to the show, Icelyn. I'm delighted to have you with us today.

[00:04:36] Peggie Kirkland: Thank you, and thank you for inviting me.

[00:04:39] Peggie Kirkland: Absolutely. So let's get started, because I know you have a lot to share with our listeners, and I barely scratched the surface of your accomplishments. So I wanna give you an opportunity to share some of your backstory with the audience. You know, tell us a little bit about where you grew up, your educational background.

[00:04:59] [00:05:00] Was there some pivotal moment in childhood or some other part of your life that got you into nursing? That kind of thing.

[00:05:07] Peggie Kirkland: As you said, my name is Icelyn Hamilton Austin. I am a pediatric nurse practitioner, but I actually became a nurse from high school. I went to a high school for health professions, and I was a licensed practical nurse when I graduated from high school at 18 years old.

[00:05:25] So I worked as a licensed practical nurse for five years, and then I went back to school and got my two-year RN degree and got married, had my kids, moved to North Carolina, and then I went back to sch- and then Tampa, and I went back to school in Tampa to get my bachelor's degree and my master's degree.

[00:05:44] So I- I've always worked in maternal child. Then when I first got out of school, I worked in adult medicine, but always worked in maternal child, and children and women are my thing. So I always say that becoming a children's book author was [00:06:00] my passion led me to my purpose. And then I got diagnosed with breast cancer in 2006, and that propelled me into starting a nonprofit organization that I did fundraisers for breast cancer for about s- I think eight years, six to eight years.

[00:06:17] And I also started an organization which I still ha- that one I'm active with today, called Duckling to Diva, and it's a young woman's empowerment organization.

[00:06:27] Peggie Kirkland: Who did you say died from breast cancer?

[00:06:31] Peggie Kirkland: My really close friend passed away from breast cancer on Mother's Day last year. She got diagnosed, um, I think when she passed away, it had been four years, so four years before that.

[00:06:44] And she had a, a four-year journey of doing everything to stay alive, but she lost that battle

[00:06:52] Peggie Kirkland: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. That must really have been a bit of a jolt. What [00:07:00] is it that makes you so passionate about women and children?

[00:07:04] Peggie Kirkland: I've always liked to be able to encourage women to take care of themselves.

[00:07:11] You know, a lot of women have children, I don't know, I've always liked the babies. When I was younger and my brothers and sisters had kids, before I had kids, I was the aunt that took them to puppet shows or the circus. Like, I had all those kids and just wasn't gonna be, because it's just something that I've always liked to do.

[00:07:29] And then, you know, maternal child, I've always liked to encourage women and then help them along the way. So I guess, I kinda look at it as me having breast cancer was God's way of continuing that for me, because I just stepped right into the role of, um, encouraging women with breast cancer to s- you know, so I, most times when people hear they have breast cancer, they feel like, oh, I'm, the first thought is, "I'm gonna die."

[00:07:54] And so the longer I came into my journey of survivorship, I tried to ever encourage them [00:08:00] not to think about it that way. Like, if you start with, "I'm gonna be a thriver and a survivor," that that's actually what's gonna happen for you most of the time.

[00:08:09] Peggie Kirkland: Now, you said that you started nursing basically in high school, because you went to a health professions high school.

[00:08:18] But how did you, how were you so clear in high school that that is what you wanted to do, and you stuck with it for all of these years?

[00:08:28] Peggie Kirkland: I don't really know. I don't know. I, as far as I, as long as I can ever remember, you know how when you're little and people are like, "Oh, I wanna be a fireman, I wanna be able to..."

[00:08:36] I always wanted to be a nurse. Yeah. I'm not even really sure when that first came about. I just can remember being a little girl, taking my doll baby's temperature and wrapping her in a blanket. I just always wanted to be a nurse.

[00:08:50] Peggie Kirkland: Anyone else in your family in the healthcare professions?

[00:08:53] Peggie Kirkland: I have, uh, one other aunt who's a nurse, but she became a nurse later on in life.

[00:08:58] Um, so no, eh, just [00:09:00] the two of us. No one else is.

[00:09:02] Peggie Kirkland: That's interesting. Your path was laid out for you pretty early, huh?

[00:09:05] Peggie Kirkland: Mm-hmm. And I stuck with it. I did it and I stuck with it.

[00:09:10] Peggie Kirkland: That's awesome. Now, is there a difference between a nurse practitioner and a physician's assistant?

[00:09:17] Peggie Kirkland: Nurse practitioners, as far as I can cer- can still say, we have a little bit more autonomy than physicians assistants.

[00:09:23] So, like, a nurse practitioner is allowed to open her own practice, as long as she has a collaborating physician who will, as they say, you know, sign off on your charts. I don't, I th- unless they've changed something in the past few years, I don't think PAs can do that. And a nurse practitioner, you have to be a nurse in order to be a nurse practitioner.

[00:09:42] You can't have, be a nurse practitioner without a nursing license. PAs can be somebody who's worked at McDonald's and decided they wanna be a T- PA. They just go to PA school and com- complete that.

[00:09:53] Peggie Kirkland: Okay. Well, that provides some clarity for me as well, because quite honestly, I didn't know the difference, and I'm sure [00:10:00] that for members of the audience, the listening audience who are not in the healthcare professions, I'm sure that's some new information for them as well.

[00:10:09] Now, you've described yourself not just as a cancer survivor, but a cancer thriver. Can you unpack a little that for us a little bit? Yeah. What does that really mean? How does that show up in your life, to be a thriver?

[00:10:27] Peggie Kirkland: So thrivers, in my experience, are people who, you don't c- you don't continue to think that, "Okay, I have breast cancer and I just survived it."

[00:10:37] You don't just survive it, because to me, having breast cancer is joining a sorority you never asked to be in. You didn't get a choice. So in order for you to have, at least say, "Okay, I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna do it well", you gotta thrive. You have to reach for the stars. You have to think of your life as, "Whatever I ever wanted to do, I'm gonna [00:11:00] do it.

[00:11:00] There's no excuses. There was no reasons why." You have to thrive for that. So again, that's how I became a children's book author, because, you know, in the back of your head you're always like, "Well, one day I wanna write a book," or, "One day I'm gonna do this." Survivors think, "Oh, I'm, I want to do this." Thrivers do it.

[00:11:19] Peggie Kirkland: Wow. That's said very powerfully with a lot of verve and vigor as you might say. I, I could tell that you're living in that experience. How are you paying your own experiences forward to help other women?

[00:11:36] Peggie Kirkland: I won't say unfortunately, but I have become the go-to person in my circle of friends for breast cancer.

[00:11:42] So when they have anybody that gets diagnosed, they're always like, "Well, she doesn't care if you call her. You can call her." I'm like the information booth for them. But I also, even like women I have met along the way, if, if it's a patient's mom or the, the grandmother, I always try to help them to be their own [00:12:00] advocate and encourage them, because it, it's a hard journey.

[00:12:04] Like, that's a, a road, a long road to go, and it's scary. So I try to make myself available for people if they just wanna cry, if they just wanna sit and talk. It- I, I have them feel what they feel in the moment without feeling bad about that, 'cause, you know, women always think they have to take care of everybody, but they don't, we don't take care of ourselves.

[00:12:25] Peggie Kirkland: And so that makes me wonder, I mean, now you provide support to others. How did you get the support you needed when you were going through your situation?

[00:12:38] Peggie Kirkland: I had a very close circle of friends, and most of my friends live in Tampa, and I live in South Carolina now, but if I called them today and was like, "Hey, I need you guys to be here," they're all here.

[00:12:49] So they all made sure I had food, if I needed to go to the doctor, whatever. Whatever I needed, they were always there for me. So I, I, you know, [00:13:00] I had a close knit of friends. And my family didn't live in Tampa, and I didn't want them to have to travel back and forth, so my friends were my family, and they still are.

[00:13:09] Peggie Kirkland: I think that's awesome. And so it, it really speaks to the idea of how important it is to have your tribe or-

[00:13:18] Peggie Kirkland: Yeah ...

[00:13:18] Peggie Kirkland: to find a tribe if you don't have one, and to really nurture those relationships, uh, because you just never know when you might need that extra support. Would you say that your cancer diagnosis taught you how to make yourself a priority?

[00:13:41] Absolutely. And was that something you did before?

[00:13:44] Peggie Kirkland: I, I didn't do it as much before as I do it now, and so it absolutely taught me to make myself not just a priority, the priority.

[00:13:53] Peggie Kirkland: Mm-hmm.

[00:13:53] Peggie Kirkland: Because I always before, every- if I had to do something for myself and somebody called me and said, "Oh, Icelyn, [00:14:00] um, I need so and so," I'd be like, "Okay."

[00:14:02] I put myself on the back burner, and I will always do what everybody else needed. But once I had breast cancer, I don't do that anymore. I don't apologize for things I don't wanna do, and if I don't wanna do it, I just don't do it. I'm sorry if somebody gets offended or they feel like I asked you to do this and you didn't.

[00:14:19] I'm like, I, those days are gone for me. I, I don't, I don't put myself behind anyone else again. Because you know, I could leave this earth tomorrow, and all you're gonna do is find somebody else to do what you need.

[00:14:32] Peggie Kirkland: I want to pause right here for just a moment, because what Iceland just said is exactly why I created something for you.

[00:14:43] It's a free reflection checklist called Where Have You Been Running on Empty? It's two pages of honest questions to help you finally name what you've been carrying, because you cannot put something down [00:15:00] until you know what you're holding Join the insider list at mommasmotivationalmessages.com, and momma is spelled M-O-M-M-A, and it will arrive in your inbox immediately.

[00:15:17] So go ahead and join the insider list. Now let's get back to Iclyn. So what did your friend's death teach you? Were there some lessons in that experience that also helped to cement your practice of making yourself a priority?

[00:15:43] Peggie Kirkland: My friend's death actually brought that full circle, like slapped me in the face again.

[00:15:49] Wow. Because while it-

[00:15:51] Peggie Kirkland: Tell us

[00:15:51] Peggie Kirkland: more. It was because while I, oh, I had started practicing, you know, um, I'm gonna take care of myself, my friend was... I always say she was the [00:16:00] most humble person I ever met in my life, and she gave up her entire life for her husband and her two sons. She was married for 35 years, and she always wanted to go to school to get a degree, a business degree.

[00:16:14] She wanted to travel. There were so many things and dreams she wanted to do, and she never did them. She didn't do any of them. She didn't go to school. She never traveled to one place she wanted to go because she always kept saying, "Well," her husband went to, he was a professional student. He went to school until he got his PhD.

[00:16:32] He never asked her, not told her, "You can't do this until I'm done." It was her choice, but in choosing that, she spent her whole 55 years on this earth and did not do one thing that she dreamed of doing. And the last conversation I had with her, she said to me, "I wanted to go to school. I wanted to get a degree.

[00:16:53] I wanted to travel, and I didn't, and I ran out of time." And when she said that to me, I made [00:17:00] a vow to myself that I would not leave this earth and run out of time from doing things I really wanted to do.

[00:17:07] Peggie Kirkland: Wow, and 55 is still so-

[00:17:09] Peggie Kirkland: Young. Yeah, she was young, and a beautiful, she was a beautiful soul. And you know, the lesson to that was her husband, she was, um, dead for six months, and he got remarried to someone he met online, and three months later they were married.

[00:17:27] Peggie Kirkland: Well, I guess loneliness is quite a force, huh?

[00:17:31] Peggie Kirkland: I, yeah, for that, you know, I'm a woman, so for me, I'm like, "I was married to you for 35 years and all I get is six months?" So I mean, and you can look at it both ways. He's a man and he didn't wanna be alone, but I don't know. I just felt like She's only been dead six months.

[00:17:48] You were married for 35 years. Like-

[00:17:50] Peggie Kirkland: Wow ...

[00:17:51] Peggie Kirkland: you know, that's it? Like, it's okay? You don't wanna be alone? You can't... I don't know. Everybody mourns

[00:17:57] Peggie Kirkland: differently. And she never, and as you said, she dedicated her life to her [00:18:00] family-

[00:18:00] Peggie Kirkland: She did ... never

[00:18:01] Peggie Kirkland: doing the things that she wanted to do, always talking about doing it later, doing it- Yeah

[00:18:07] later, uh, you know, and then later never really-

[00:18:10] Peggie Kirkland: Never came. And so now he has his new wife, doing all the things with the new wife that he wanted to do with her, because his lesson was, "I let my first wife put this off and put this off, and she never got to do it. I don't wanna make that mistake again with the next wife."

[00:18:25] Peggie Kirkland: Oh, boy. Wow. I don't know how to feel about that, but it's not- A-

[00:18:28] Peggie Kirkland: yeah ...

[00:18:29] Peggie Kirkland: for me to feel.

[00:18:29] Peggie Kirkland: Right. It is not for me either, but I feel like, a part of me is like, I don't want him to sit there and be lonely and alone, but the other part of me is like, I, I would be lying if I would be saying, you know, I feel some type of way about this other chick being able to enjoy all the things that she didn't get to enjoy when she gave up 35 years of her life to be married to him.

[00:18:51] Peggie Kirkland: In other words, you would've liked to have seen him grieving a little bit longer.

[00:18:56] Peggie Kirkland: Just a little bit. I [00:19:00]

[00:19:00] Peggie Kirkland: feel you-

[00:19:00] Peggie Kirkland: Just a little bit. I feel you. Yeah. I'm like, could she get a year? Could she, could her 35 years equal up to a year? I don't know. Wow. So that was a catalyst for me, like, I'm gonna live my life, and I'm not gonna put anything I want to do on hold for anyone.

[00:19:14] I don't care who you are

[00:19:16] Peggie Kirkland: So is that your message to the listening audience?

[00:19:20] Peggie Kirkland: Yes. My message is never say that you can't do something. Never say, "I'm gonna wait to do something." Figure it out and do it. It's doable. If you may have to plan a year or whatever to do it, but I would never give up my dream or never put anything on hold that you want waiting for someone else to do something.

[00:19:39] You do what you have to do for you.

[00:19:43] Peggie Kirkland: I think that that's such an important message, and it's the message that I try to get across to our listeners with every episode that is published, because I think it's so critical. I watched my own mom as I [00:20:00] was growing up always planning to and planning to, but there was always some other need in the home.

[00:20:07] Right. And being, you know, I would say growing up poor, as even though I didn't think so at the time and didn't know so really, you know, you're always trying to... I watched my parents always trying to make ends meet, and my mom with all kinds of dreams and hopes and aspirations- Mm-hmm ... that never came to fruition.

[00:20:31] So-

[00:20:31] Peggie Kirkland: Exactly ...

[00:20:32] Peggie Kirkland: I think that's why I feel passionate about helping women to put themselves first because frankly, I too struggle with that sometimes because it's embedded in me, um, from having grown up watching it. So-

[00:20:47] Peggie Kirkland: Right ...

[00:20:47] Peggie Kirkland: for me, it's a journey that I undertake every day, and sometimes I win, and sometimes I don't quite win, but I keep working at it.

[00:20:58] Peggie Kirkland: It's hard though because [00:21:00] when you're so many things to so many people, like I have my kids, and then I have my grandkids who think that my house is the playground pit stop. They're... I remember s- sitting by my- Yes. Okay. I remember saying to my daughter, uh, meanwhile, it's because I, all week long, I was like, "Oh my gosh, I can't wait till Saturday.

[00:21:19] I'm so tired. I'm just gonna sleep all day. I'ma take the dog out for a walk, and I'm gonna sleep." Then my daughter sends me a text on Friday night, "Mom, can you watch the kids tomorrow?" I sent her a tweet that said, "These are my dreams blown up in smoke of sleeping all day tomorrow. Poof."

[00:21:35] Peggie Kirkland: What was her response?

[00:21:36] Peggie Kirkland: She just laughed, 'cause I was like-

[00:21:39] Peggie Kirkland: That's what you got.

[00:21:41] Peggie Kirkland: Ah, she just laughed. "Okay, mom."

[00:21:43] Peggie Kirkland: I was like, "

[00:21:43] Peggie Kirkland: Girl."

[00:21:44] Peggie Kirkland: Being a grandma, I mean.

[00:21:46] Peggie Kirkland: Yeah.

[00:21:47] Peggie Kirkland: But I'm, I'm sure you figured out how to balance that.

[00:21:50] Peggie Kirkland: I try, but, you know, it's hard to say no to the grandkids when they're like, "I wanna go to Bibi's house."

[00:21:57] Peggie Kirkland: And it makes you feel good, and the good part [00:22:00] is at the end of the period, you can send them back to mom and dad, so.

[00:22:04] Peggie Kirkland: That's right. You got that one.

[00:22:05] Peggie Kirkland: That's the beauty of it. Snacks, bags, and all. Yeah. Yeah. So listen, we've talked about Iclyn the healthcare professional. Let's talk about Iclyn the author. You've written three children's books. How did this come about, and where did you find the time to do that with a full-time job?

[00:22:26] Peggie Kirkland: Girl, these books, I wrote a book that, that I still have not published, which is hysterical. So I wrote this one book called Don't Forget the Parents, and it actually is a compilation of questions and things that parents always ask us when they bring in newborns into the office. So I did it from birth to five.

[00:22:44] It was a labor of love. And I, I finished that book, and then the night I finished the book, I couldn't sleep. And so for whatever reason, because my grandkids call me Mimi, so that day they had been over there and they were like, "Mimi, Mimi, Mimi." So I just started writing this [00:23:00] book series called Mimi and Me.

[00:23:02] I don't even know, I just wr- was writing because I couldn't sleep, and I ended up with Mimi and Me, Christmas with Mimi, Potty Training with Mimi, Minding my Manners with Mimi. It's just all... And I just wrote them. Like, I would write them in the middle of the night when I can't sleep, or if I was sitting in my car at lunchtime, I'd write them.

[00:23:19] I have two more now that I have scribbled things on to do. It- whatever. If I'm sitting somewhere and a thought comes to my head, I just write them down and then I, I write the little template for them and I finish them.

[00:23:31] Peggie Kirkland: I like to call those moments when you're not expecting it, moments of divine downloads.

[00:23:37] You know, it's like, I don't know where it came from, but there it was and I just had to, I had to act.

[00:23:43] Peggie Kirkland: It's funny you should say that because I finished the last book was just got published, like two, three weeks ago. And so I was trying to go to... I was- Congratulations. Thank you. I was sleeping, I woke up, and in my brain this title came to me that says, "Hey, I can [00:24:00] read" for the next book.

[00:24:01] So I said, "Okay, God, I know you just dropped this into my brain, but I'm really tired, so I'm gonna write this down and go back to sleep. Thank you very much."

[00:24:09] Peggie Kirkland: I see you have a close relationship.

[00:24:12] Peggie Kirkland: With the Creator. I was like, "Not tonight. We're not staying up tonight writing this book, but thank you for the thought."

[00:24:18] Peggie Kirkland: I love it. I love it. That's how I tend to operate as well, you know? I think that's awesome. So Iclyn, I hate to say, but we're coming to the end of our interview.

[00:24:31] Peggie Kirkland: Oh.

[00:24:32] Peggie Kirkland: I know. That's the way I feel, too. Oh. And as we come to the end, I wanna ask you, what is one thing you want to ensure that our listeners remember from this interview?

[00:24:44] Peggie Kirkland: Just remember that life is to be lived, and you need to live it happy, healthy, abundantly, and on your terms.

[00:24:57] Peggie Kirkland: And if Icelyn's words today [00:25:00] stirred something in you, if you found yourself nodding or tearing up or thinking about the dreams you've been putting off, I have something waiting for you when you join the insider list at mommasmotivationmessages.com. And Momma is spelled M-O-M-M-A. It's called Where Have You Been Running On Empty?

[00:25:26] And it's a free reflection checklist to help you name exactly what you've been carrying. Because Icelyn's friend ran out of time, and she deserved better. So do you. Head to mommasmotivationalmessages.com to get your checklist right away. Again, Momma is spelled M-O-M-M-A.

[00:25:55] I

[00:25:55] that's it for today, my beautiful ladies

[00:25:58] Next week, [00:26:00] I'm bringing you something that I think you need after today. Something that looks forward rather than backward, because the point of everything we've been examining over the last five weeks is not to grieve what was. It is to dream about what is still possible. You don't want to miss that.

[00:26:24] Iceland's friend ran out of time. if Iceland's words today stirred something in you, if you found yourself nodding or tearing up or thinking about the dreams you've been putting off, and if you want to choose not to put those dreams off any longer, and to do so in community with other women who are having the same realization, The Unfinished Glow is a safe place where you'll be able to do that.

[00:26:56] More details coming very soon. [00:27:00] Join the insider list at mamasmotivationalmessages.com and stay close.

[00:27:08] Peggie Kirkland: Thank you for joining me today on Mama's Motivational Messages. If today's episode inspired and encouraged you, go ahead, hit the subscribe button. And if you know another woman who could use a little inspiration in her next chapter, please share this podcast with her. I'd also love to hear from you.

[00:27:31] Drop a comment below and let me know what spoke to you most today. Until next time, I'm PK, sending you much light and a whole lot of love