What to Do When You’ve Forgotten How to Dream

HOW TO DREAM AGAIN

Last week’s episode was heavy. Today I want to bring you something lighter. Something that looks forward. This is an archive episode I chose specifically to follow last week's conversation because it answers the question that I think Iselyn's story raises for every woman who hears it: okay, so what now? How do I actually start living the life I have been postponing?

Listen for Rebecca's story, a woman who had been an empty nester for eight years before she found her way back to herself. And listen for the journaling prompts near the end. They are three of the most powerful questions I have ever put to a woman who was ready to start dreaming again.

Welcome to the Momma's Motivational Messages podcast, where women learn to stop putting themselves on the back burner and start paying attention to caring for themselves first so they can be better for everyone else in their lives. I know you'll be inspired by the stories of resiliency and starting over, of health and self-healing, of gaining clarity through journaling, of showing self-love through world travel, and the list goes on. I encourage you to relax and enjoy. I'm your host, Peggie Kirkland, PK.

Today we're talking about how to start dreaming and reimagining your life when all you've been in is survival mode. Let me ask you this. Where are you on your empty nest journey? Are you just beginning the empty nest chapter and feeling unsure about what comes next? Or maybe you've been at it for a while and thought it would have clicked by now. The kids are grown, the routines have shifted. The house is no longer the center of a flurry of people coming and going.

Yet the quiet doesn't bring you the sense of relief you thought it would. Some of you might even be feeling a mix of guilt, regret, resentment, confusion, or even grief. You've tried to stay busy. You've done your best to be grateful because everyone says you should be, and you are. But deep down inside, a part of you still wants more. If you can relate, I want you to know you're not alone, especially if you find yourself wondering why the freedom you hoped for doesn't feel as fulfilling as you imagined. Whatever you're feeling and wherever you are in this process, you're in the right place.

Okay, let's talk about how to dream again when you've been in survival mode. You might be asking, how do you know you're in survival mode? Simply put, survival mode is when your brain and body focus on getting through the day. You're not thinking long term. You're thinking right now. You're reacting. You're not creating. You're enduring what's going on. You're not envisioning what a different life could look like. 

Now, anyone who's ever been in a toxic work environment or a toxic relationship knows what I'm talking about. And you also know that being in this mode is exhausting, not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually.

When you're in survival mode, your brain doesn't allow you to be creative. Instead, it's like you're on high alert all the time, and you become reactive as you try to get through each day. The truth is that the longer we stay there, the harder it feels to imagine something different. So I want you to hear me clearly. You may feel like you've forgotten how to dream because situations and circumstances have gotten you out of the habit. But the good news is that habits can be changed.

This reminds me of Rebecca, who had been an empty nester for eight years, and she had just retired from a demanding job in finance. You know what she said? "I thought retirement would feel like a reward, but instead it feels like I'm drifting with no direction." It took a mix of journaling, creative exploration, and permission to play for Rebecca to reignite her passion for painting. Today, Rebecca holds painting parties for women — not as a business, but because she just enjoys it.

I love Rebecca's story because it is not dramatic. She did not quit her job or move to another country. She just started saying yes to one small thing. And then another. That is all dreaming again requires.

And here is what I know: that kind of small yes is so much easier when you are surrounded by women who are also saying yes. Who are also rebuilding. Who get it. That is the community I am creating. Subscribe and join our Insider List at MommasMotivationalMessages.com.  That’s Mommas with an O …M_O_M_M_A_S, and stay close so you don’t miss a thing

Let’s move on to the story about Celeste, who spent decades putting herself last while raising her family. She said, "I thought dreaming was selfish, but when I finally started dreaming again, I realized how much more alive and generous I became with the people I love."

So how do we switch gears? How do we go from surviving to dreaming again? I'm going to give you some practical and powerful strategies to help you reconnect with your ability to dream.

The first strategy might sound a little unexpected, because you haven't realized that you needed to do this. And that is — give yourself permission to want more. Yes, give yourself permission to want more. You've always been giving more to everyone else and not giving any attention to your own desires. It's time to say, "It's okay for me to want something that is just for me." 

Next, create some breathing room for yourself. Just five to ten minutes of quiet reflection a day — whether it's prayer, deep breathing, or simply sipping a cup of tea in silence. That breathing room can awaken the parts of you that have been waiting patiently for you to acknowledge their existence. Have you ever noticed when the best thoughts and ideas come to you? For me, it's usually early in the morning when I'm taking a shower.

Revisit who you were before the shoulds. You know — "I should do this, and I should do that, and everybody thinks I should." Think back to what you loved before life got so busy. What made you light up? What did you dream of as a child, or even ten years ago? In your moment of silence, think about that and see what comes up.

Another strategy is using journaling prompts. And I'm going to give you three prompts that I'd like you to try out.

The first prompt says: "If I weren't afraid, I would..." What would you do if you weren't afraid? Be as honest as you possibly can be with yourself.

The second prompt says: "One thing I miss about myself is..." You may have to give that some thought. What do you miss about yourself?

And my final prompt: "My heart is calling me toward..." What is your heart calling you toward?

I want you to actually answer those three questions. Not in your head — in writing. Because the answer to "what is my heart calling me toward?" deserves more than a passing thought. It deserves a page.

And if you want to share your answer with someone — if you want to say it out loud in a space where women will hear it and celebrate it with you — that is exactly the kind of community I am building. Subscribe and join the Insider List at Momma’s Motivational messages.com.  That’s Mommas with an O …M_O_M_M_A_S, and stay close and watch this space.

You know, so many of the answers to these questions can come in the silence. When you create that breathing room, so much becomes clear. Here's another strategy: take one tiny step. You don't need to know the whole path. Just take one step. Sign up for a class that you've been putting off forever. Visit a museum. Write one paragraph of that book you keep saying your life deserves. My mom always used to say, inch by inch, it's a cinch; by the yard, it's hard. Take one tiny step.

Then I want you to let go of guilt. You might say, I don't feel guilty about anything. But when you start dreaming and hear those little voices saying it's too late, or you're too selfish to want more, they can make you feel guilty. But here's the truth: you're not abandoning your family when you find yourself. Let go of guilt so you can dream again.

Next, let play guide you. Dreaming doesn't have to be heavy. Let curiosity and playfulness lead the way. Be curious. Be playful. Try new things. Don't pressure yourself. Just remember how to play. Get out there. Go to the park with a bottle of bubbles and just watch them float away. Enjoy doing that.

The next strategy is to get around dreamers. Spend time with people who are also rebuilding their next chapter. Find groups, find podcasts like this one, find communities that speak to your season. That kind of energy is contagious — and that's exactly what you need right now.

And finally, ask for support. You don't have to figure this out alone. Whether it's a friend, a counselor, or a coach, talking it out can help you name and claim your dreams again.

Listen, your dreams don't have an expiration date. You're not too old. It's not too late. And you haven't missed your moment. What's waiting for you on the other side of survival is joy, clarity, confidence — that spark that reminds you, oh yeah, I remember who I am.

And the beautiful part is that you don't have to figure it out today. All you have to do is believe that something new is possible and take one step in that direction.

Next week I have a guest for you — a woman with a framework that I think is going to give you the clearest possible map for what comes next. Three steps. That is it. Simple, practical, and powerful. Make sure you are subscribed so you do not miss it.

Well, that's it for today. If this episode spoke to your heart, I want you to subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts so you never miss a conversation. And if you know a woman who has forgotten how to want something for herself, please share this episode with her. That is how we find each other.

If you've been inspired and encouraged by the positive messages in today's show, please take a moment to rate and review the show on Apple Podcasts. This will help to keep the show alive. And remember, sharing is caring. Let people know it's available wherever they listen to their podcasts. I'm counting on you to share the love. Until next time, this is PK sending you much light and a whole lot of love.