Why The Most Important Thing You Leave Behind Has Nothing To Do With Money

Why The Most Important Thing You'll Leave Behind Has Nothing To Do With Money

[00:00:00] . I published this episode originally for International Women's Day, and I'm bringing it back now because I think it contains something that the last three weeks of conversation have been building toward. And that's a reframe that I believe will change how you think about self-care for good.

[00:00:25] And that's not self-care as a luxury or self-care as an indulgence. Both only give you temporary pleasure, but they can't sustain all the parts of who you are as a whole person- your mental, physical, and social wellness, to name three pillars of self-care. Previous generations saw self-care as self-sacrifice.

[00:00:55] To them, that was a good thing. Whereas prioritizing [00:01:00] your own needs was considered selfish. Those past generations were probably taught that self-sacrifice was the standard for being a good mother and for caregiving in general. So if you put your own needs first, you were being selfish. I'm here to tell you that's a myth that can damage your overall wellbeing, and that you have to move beyond that falsehood for the sake of your own self-preservation, so you can build a foundation of self-love.

[00:01:40] Ultimately, the choice lies between a legacy of self-sacrifice and a legacy of self-love. When you choose self-love, you're ensuring your ability to show up for others can be done over the long term. I'm talking [00:02:00] about self-care as legacy Listen for the United Nations resolutions I share early in the episode.

[00:02:10] I know that might sound heavy, but I promise you, when you hear it in the context of what we have been talking about these last few weeks, it's going to land differently than you expect. And listen for the timer technique near the end. It's one of the most practical things I have shared on this show

[00:02:35] Did you know that designating a month to celebrate the contributions women have made to the culture, history, and society of the United States was started as just a week-long celebration by the School District of Sonoma and California nineteen seventy-eight? That is indeed where it had [00:03:00] its humble beginnings.

[00:03:02] The celebration later caught on in other communities until Congress actually passed a resolution not only to continue the celebrations, but to extend it from one week to one month. As I said earlier, this episode was recorded to celebrate International Women's Day, which had been sponsored by the United Nations since nineteen seventy-five.

[00:03:32] And here's an interesting fact. The United Nations General Assembly cited the following reasons when it was adopting its resolution on the observance of International Women's Day.

[00:03:47] I want you to pay close attention to this resolution. Here it is. To recognize the fact that securing peace and social progress [00:04:00] and full enjoyment of human rights and fundamental freedoms require the active participation, equality, and development of women, and to acknowledge the contribution of women to the strengthening of international peace and security.

[00:04:22] Let that sink in for a moment. I'm sure you'll agree with me that at no time in history has this been more important than right now as we witness the atrocities taking place around the world and the role women are playing in trying to keep their families safe The resolution basically says that women are extremely important to societies. That is really what it all boils down to. Why am I [00:05:00] sharing all this with you? It's because I want you to recognize just how much responsibility you shoulder as a woman.

[00:05:11] It's not just your family and friends who look to you for their support and advancement, but the world in general. Ladies, what a gift we are to the world. The United Nations, the United Nations recognized the contribution of women to world peace and security. And yet, how many of us are still treating ourselves like the last item on our own list? If this is resonating with you, if you're starting to feel the need to shift from self-sacrifice to self-love as a practice, I want you to know that [00:06:00] this conversation continues.

[00:06:03] You won't have to make that shift alone. The community I'm building is going to be a place where women can have exactly this kind of honest conversation together with support, with resources, and with women who get it. I know you're going to want to be a part of what's coming

[00:06:28] . Back to our discussion about self-care that is more permanent. The United Nations recognized the weight of the responsibility women carry. I just shared their resolution with you.

[00:06:43] So what does this mean for you as an individual? You need to take better care of yourself. Historically, women have been taught that loving themselves is selfish, while [00:07:00] self-sacrifice is a characteristic to be admired. In fact, many women from my generation have internalized this falsehood, and it comes from watching their own mothers leave themselves without

[00:07:18] I lived this firsthand. I watched my own mother put her feet into the same worn shoes day after day, putting cardboard on the inside when the soles got holes in them so my siblings and I could have new shoes for school.

[00:07:38] Or eating less so we could have enough. Or foregoing her doctor's visits so we could remain healthy Mothers are known for making these kinds of sacrifices to ensure their families have what they need [00:08:00] Fortunately, you, my beautiful ladies, are very aware that taking care of yourself is not selfish, and that's a good thing.

[00:08:10] But that's not enough. That's why I'm asking you this question. How are you putting that knowledge into practice? You have to pay attention to your mental, physical, emotional, social, professional, and financial health if you're going to be healthy for those in your life, in your community, and the world at large.

[00:08:39] All the people who are counting on you

[00:08:43] Modern psychology says that not to do so could result in serious damage to your overall well-being. And we talked about the importance of the pillars of self-care during our [00:09:00] series Celebrating Women, linked in the show notes. I want to encourage you, not just on International Women's Day, to make a practice of being kinder to yourself.

[00:09:15] . Stop criticizing yourself when you mess up. Have some self-compassion. Give yourself the grace to step away from situations and outcomes that you're unhappy with. Take a breather and come back another day. Feel sorry for yourself if you have to, but put a timer on it. Set some boundaries for worrying.

[00:09:42] When I'm dealing with negative situations, I actually set the timer on my phone to send the signal to my brain that there's a specific amount of time that I will invest in negative feelings. And when that timer goes off, I [00:10:00] give myself a little pep talk, and I redirect my focus to doing something pleasant that can change my train of thought and help me remember that I've overcome negative situations in the past, and I can get past the current situation.

[00:10:19] This approach helps me deal with stress more effectively. If you keep rehashing the situation, you're likely to sink deeper and deeper into a hole that can be difficult to climb out of. Researchers have found that when you're hard on yourself, you're more prone to anxiety and depression, and it's more difficult to bounce back after a setback.

[00:10:52] On the other hand, when you replace negative judgments with self-compassion, [00:11:00] you recover more quickly. You can start to increase your self-compassion using practices like yoga, meditation, and relaxation exercises. Once you become your own advocate for self-compassion, you can open sustainable pathways for creating and maintaining a legacy of loving yourself first.

[00:11:28] I want you to hold onto those words, and I want you to know that building that legacy is so much easier when you're not doing it alone. I'm putting together a community specifically for women like you who are ready to do this work together with support, with resources, and with other women who understand this season of life.

[00:11:57] Subscribe and join the [00:12:00] insider list at mommasmotivationalmessages.com. That's mommas with an O, M-O-M-M-A-S. And stay close so you don't miss a thing. More details will be coming soon.

[00:12:19] So ladies, what will your legacy be? Will it be one of self-love or self-sacrifice? You decide. Next week, I have something different for you. It's a conversation, a real one, with a woman whose story I think is going to stop you in your tracks. I'm not going to tell you more than that. Just make sure you're subscribed so you don't miss it.

[00:12:51] It's one of the most important episodes in this series. And don't forget, join the insider [00:13:00] list at mamasmotivationmessages.com. That's mamas with an O, M-O-M-M-A-S. And stay close so you don't miss a thing